Meet Alana, The Most Spectacular Toddlers & Tiaras Contestant Ever


Every episode of Toddlers & Tiaras is a special gem that should not be ignored. But every once in a while, one little girl (or boy) reaches through the TV and Kano’s our beating hearts directly out of our chest cavities due to sheer fantasticness.

Meet Alana, who dare I say has taken Eden Wood’s crown as the “Most Hilarious Toddlers & Tiaras Contestant Ever.” The girl’s got it all: Sass, Energy, and a Belly she will proudly show to anyone who asks to see it. She exists to be funny, which is 40 percent natural and 60 percent her “go-go juice” (code for Mountain Dew, and also the name of my future Pinot Grigio label.) She’s a star honey-boo-boo child!

Now in a nice bit of “Jetsons Meets The Flintstones” crossover, Alana’s mother also happens to be an Extreme Couponer. And her father says he’d clip coupons all day to help Alana, according to the subtitles, which I’ll choose to believe since I can’t understand a word coming out of his mouth. Look in a mirror and face it: We all want to be exactly like Alana, just spinning around on the floor wearing Daisy Dukes while pointing to our stomachs for the world to see. Some of us have even done this in person after a little too much “go-go juice.” (I have.)

She is a prize, America. How she didn’t win this entire competition makes me wonder if we have a RUSSIAN JUDGE situation goin’ down. Thanks to editor Lauren Deiman for putting together this genius Alana Compilation Reel:

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