Johnny Depp, no! Don’t ruin all our fantasies about you and Vanessa Paradis, fantasies where you spend your days chain-smoking clove cigarettes, eating baguettes and trying on different, fabulous hats. Don’t you even dare do that to us. Devastatingly, RadarOnline reports that the Dark Shadows star and his girlfriend of nearly 14 years are allegedly headed toward a split. “People around him are worried about how Johnny is doing because he and Vanessa seem so fractured right now,” their source claims. “Their relationship is heading toward the end.” Now those blue sunglasses and fisherman’s hat won’t seem European at all, Johnny. They’ll just seem tragic! Completely and utterly tragic!
Depp and French actress and singer Paradis currently have two children, Lily-Rose Melody Depp and John Christopher Depp, who no doubt have adorable French accents and act like little miniature Amelies and oh Johnny, please don’t let happen. “Johnny has started reaching out to lawyers, probably to quietly discuss how to get out of the relationship,” a source alleges. “They’re not married but they’ve been together for years and have kids together so it isn’t as easy as just breaking up.” Did you two ever ride to the Eiffel Tower together on a tandem bicycle during a spring shower even once? Don’t tell us. We can’t bare to know the truth.