Our Favorite Golden Globes Moments: The Artist’s Dog, Penis Jokes And More

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We actually had a scorecard ready to mark how many offensive things Ricky Gervais said at tonight’s Golden Globes, but it seems that he decided to leave the raunch and insults to others. Most of it, at least. Anyway, here are our favorite silly, cute, funny and moving moments from the 69th annual awards show, in semi-chronological order:

» Ricky Gervais said he wasn’t allowed to joke about Mel Gibson, or Jodie Foster’s Beaver. “I haven’t seen it myself; that doesn’t mean it’s not any good.”

» Ricky continued his amusing relationship with Johnny Depp by asking him onstage: “Have you seen The Tourist?” To which Depp answered, “No.”

» Julianne Moore and Rob Lowe very gracefully overcame a TelePrompTer fail. And Downton Abbey’s Elizabeth McGovern tripped UP the stairs. And during one cutaway, we saw Dame Helen Mirren chewing. Thus proving stars’ humanness once again.

» While standing next to Kate Beckinsale, Seth Rogen said, “Hello, I’m Seth Rogen, and I’m currently trying to hide a massive erection. ” And then the camera cut away to a show of Jodie Foster’s kids, for some reason.

» Speaking of kids, daughters seemed to be a big theme of the night. Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy winner Michelle Williams thanked her daughter, Matilda, for putting up with having months of bedtime stories in which “all the princesses were read aloud in a Marilyn Monroe voice.” Best Supporting Actor in a TV Series or Miniseries winner Peter Dinklage thanked his daughter who was home with her first babysitter. Best Director winner Martin Scorsese thanked his daughter, Francesca, for introducing him to the book, The Invention of Hugo Cabret, on which Hugo is based.

» George Clooney borrowed Brad Pitt’s cane to introduce Moneyball.

» Felicity Huffman and husband William H. Macy showed off their beautiful voices as they harmonized a tune about acceptance speeches that ended in “Blablablablablablabla.”

» Peter Dinklage, in a serious moment, said his thoughts are with a man named Martin Henderson, and told us to Google him. We did, and he’s a dwarf and an actor in England who is suffering from a back injury after he was picked up and thrown on the ground outside a pub (supposedly by some men who had just watched a “dwarf-tossing” contest). Ooof. People suck. Let’s celebrate some more awards!

» Jane Lynch and Tina Fey high fived each other after making a penis joke.

» Helen Mirren complained that she could have starred in Driving Miss Daisy with Morgan Freeman, and then tried to tell an awkward joke about driving on the wrong side of the road.

» While the Modern Family speech en dos idiomas was kind of funny, it also looked very rehearsed, thus indicating that the cast of Modern Family expected to win. Muy mal hecho.

» Madonna’s awkward joke: “I haven’t kissed a girl in a few years … on TV.”

» Meryl Streep’s attempt at a joke: “When Ricky Gervais’ deal came through and they came to me to play Margaret Thatcher …”

» Uggie the dog stole the whole damn show, hamming it up onstage after The Artist’s win for Best Musical/Comedy.

» While accepting his Best Actor Globe, George Clooney flattered the hell out of Brad Pitt for his humanitarian work and Michael Fassbender for apparently being able to “play golf with his hands behind his back.” Oh. OK. Well, on that note. Congrats to all the winners. And happy MLK Day!

[Photo: Getty Images]

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