The Onion Comes True: “Jay-Z Fans Brace For Onslaught Of Horrible Baby Songs”


By now, we’ve all heard Jay-Z’s new song “Glory featuring B.I.C.”, his fatherly ode to his and Beyonce’s newborn daughter Blue Ivy Carter (featuring Blue Ivy Carter, obviously). The lyrics are predictably precious, are the Jay-Z “turning over a new fatherhood leaf” stories that continue to appear by the day.

So, just how predictable was this Jay-Z fatherhood rap?

Check out this segment from an Onion News Network episode that aired in October of 2011, entitled “Jay-Z Fans Brace Themselves For Onslaught Of Horrible Odes To Baby”, warning fans of Jay-Z’s impending lame ‘fatherhood’ raps and ‘leaking’ a series of fake lyrics to his ‘baby’ song that are really, really close to the actual song. Watch the once-fake Onion News report and travel BACK TO THE FUTURE:

Jay-Z Fans Brace Themselves For Onslaught Of Horrible Odes To Baby

Not only is the story dead-on accurate three months before Jay-Z’s child was actually born, but check out how close The Onion’s fake lyrics came to the actual Jay-Z “Glory” lyrics:

Onion Lyrics:

– I was born ‘hood / Now I’m fatherhood

– Gonna give ya what I didn’t have / Gonna work hard to be your dad

– From the moment I saw you yeah you had me / Guess that’s what it means to be a daddy

Actual Jay-Z Lyrics:

– The most amazing feeling I feel / Words can’t describe the feeling for real / Baby I paint the sky blue / My greatest creation was you

– The most beaultifulest thing in this world / Is daddy’s little girl

– You don’t yet know what swag is but you was made in Paris and mama woke up the next day and shot her album package

Annnnd it’s officially no longer the joke it was originally intended to be. As always, the greatest satire is the satire that becomes complete, unexaggerated reality three months later. I think Mark Twain said that.

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