GIANTS VS PATRIOTS: Let’s Break Down Their Most Ridiculous Fans

|

With Super Bowl 46 just around the corner, we at BWE felt obligated to give you our exclusive insight into the captivating New York Giants / New England Patriots matchup, but rather than bore you with the same old tired “actual football analysis” that we’ll all get sick of in the next week (then get sick of people complaining about being sick of it), we’ve broken the Giants / Patriots matchup down in a far more amusing (and some would say “more meaningful” and be wrong) way: Figuring out which team’s craziest fans are indeed the craziest.

We’ve broken the Giants/Patriots fan-ridiculousness into Seven Thematic Categories, which we’ll analyze very non-arbitrarily based on a couple random photos in each category. Without further football-adieu (couldn’t think of a pun there), let’s answer the question – Giants VS Patriots: Which Super Bowl Team’s Fans Are More Awesomely Ridiculous?

Category 1: Unnecessarily Creepy Costumes

Patriots:

Giants:

Verdict: Giants. The Patriots “Saw” fan certainly scores creepy points with his “Death looking out at you from the Sistine Chapel wall” gaze, but he’s also wearing a store-bought mask, whereas those two Giants guys look like they might actually abduct you and torture you with some sort of elaborately brutal scenario to make you appreciate life (followed by 9 sequels). Edge goes to creativity + plausibility(-of-actual-murder).


Category 2: Crazy Hats

Patriots:

Giants:

Verdict: Patriots. This one’s not even close. As much as I admire the “Cruz Time” guy for just putting literal words in front of his face, it’s hard to dispute those Patriots’ fans simultaneous penchant for extravagant kind-of-puns and complete disregard for their own necks’ well-being. Plus that last Patriot dude’s hat looks like some Mongolian king’s crown on display at a museum that’s too heavy for the king to have ever actually worn but so insultingly lavish it inspired The Abacus Rebellion Of 1385 (is that when stuff happened in Mongolia? Sure.)

Category 3: Inexplicable Santas

Patriots:

Giants:

Verdict: Giants. Simply put, Gorilla Santa > Regular Santa, just as Gorilla Anything > Regular Anything. Also, these aren’t entirely ‘inexplicable,’ as both photos occurred around Christmastime, but I just wanted to drop in a plug for my band “Inexplicable Santas” that I might eventually get around to forming.

Category 4: Signs With Way Too Many Words

Patriots:

Giants:

Verdict: Giants. The Patriots “Priceless” sign is admirably topical (First Draft: “Dude, You’re Gettin’ A Gronkowski!”), but those Giants signs clearly excel in the “Deliberately Noncatchy” department. Although, we may yet see that entire last sign turned into a 4-minute chant at this year’s big game. The Simpsons “I am tired of these jokes about my giant hand” guy is on board.

Category 5: Adorable Brainwashed Children

Patriots:

Giants:

Verdict: Giants. I’m not being judgmental with the ‘brainwashing’ thing – my dad was sneaking me into NHL games when I was a zygote – but no kid ever knows what’s happening ever, both at NFL games and in life (amiright, good parents?) Anyway, the edge here goes to comically large helmet kid, obviously, a possible direct descendant of Sir Not Appearing In This Film.

Category 6: Taunting Rivals

Patriots:

Giants:

Verdict: Patriots. I’m biased towards my addiction to awful puns, but also, the latter fan’s ‘Michael Vick dogs’ taunt was already tired three Fantasy Team Names into 2008. Also: TEBOWN Steak. Nailed it/him!

Category 7: Miscellaneous Crazy

Patriots:

Giants:

FINAL VERDICT: We have the unofficial Crazy Fans tally at 5 Categories to 2 in favor of the Giants, which means, unequivocally, that the Giants might win Super Bowl 46 and this entire thing was obviously a Super Bowl themed internet gimmick so we could all look at some zany photos of NFL fans. BUT MAYBE IT WILL PLAY A FACTOR IN THE GAME!!! Only time will tell. It will not play a factor. How much time passed just there?

Anyway, good job at being amusingly crazy, football fans! We hope you’ve all enjoyed this first and definitely last Super Bowl themed thing on the internet. I only wish someone would write about how bad the Super Bowl commercials are this year! I’m not holding my breath.

(All pics via Getty Images)