The 30 Cutest Moments From The Kitty Half-Time Show

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A few weeks ago, our friends at Animal Planet asked me if I’d like to attend the taping of the Kitty Half-Time Show, the all kitty playtime extravaganza that divides up America’s most favoritest tradition, The Puppy Bowl. Yes, while Madonna will be creaking along the stage in Indianapolis this Sunday and throwing 40-yard passes using only her thigh muscles, Animal Planet presents us with the 8th Annual Puppy Bowl, an event which causes me grab every cashmere item of clothing I own and use it to straight jacket myself into a burrito of warmth, all the while baking puppy shaped cookies with Twizzler leashes which I then “take for a walk” (eat).

So you can imagine my reaction when I got the call. (Think Helen Hunt on angel dust.) I chucked the phone in the garbage disposal and left it running as I put on an outfit I knew would pick up every last piece of stray fur (for my scrapbook!) and Def Comedy Jammed my way down to the studio, along with VH1 photographer Lauren Deiman.

Well, guys, what can I tell you? The Kitty Half-Time Show was probably the best thing I’ve had the honor of seeing in person. What perhaps made it impossible to fully enjoy was that there had to be absolute SILENCE on the set, as any noise made would be picked up by the microphones… the kitten microphones. I don’t think you fully understand how difficult it is to not make ANY NOISE AT ALL when watching newborn baby cats frolicking with each other, tumbling around, chasing their own tails, and basically staring me in the eyes, just daring me to sneak them out in the 42 EEE bra I was wearing just in case.

In other words, when you watch the Puppy Bowl this Sunday at 3 PM on Animal Planet, just picture me behind the camera, eating my own hands and crying tears shaped like all the Meow Mix flavors. Because I know Sunday is far, far away, I’m proud to bring you 30 of the cutest moments we spotted while attending the Kitty Half-Time Show Taping.

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BONUS PHOTO: I met the Puppy Bowl ref! Yes, he’s cute. No, he did not hand me a whistle with his number engraved into it.

BONUS PHOTO 2: Here I am smothering Peter with my love. The only time I’ve ever been this manic was when Zabar’s was selling chickens for a dollar during the New York City blackout.