Let’s have a frank discussion about the ads that ran during last night’s Super Bowl XLVI. In the words of any one of the Beastie Boys, they were “aight.” No shocks, no surprises, most of them were leaked online prior to the game anyway, Matthew Broderick. And really, we don’t care about serious beer commercials or ads about mid-size sedans that will make you feel like more of a man. Nope, there’s only one thing we give the merest ess about: ANIMAL ADS.
There were some highs and lows, but at the party I was at, any time an animal appeared on the giant flatscreen, someone would scream “DOG AD” and the room would fall silent. The dog ads did not disappoint! You know why? Because there were f*cking awesome dogs in it, that’s why. Take note, advertisers: If you want a roomful of non-football fans who are mainly watching the Super Bowl to witness Madonna’s Halftime acrobatic dance moves to stop dead in their tracks and pay attention, PUT A DOG IN YOUR AD. (Or David Beckham.)
So without further a-doo (dog joke), here are all the Superbowl Dog Ads + David Beckham and other animal bonuses. Our apologies to the Coca-Cola Polar Bears who didn’t make the cut, because, boring.
1. Fat Dog Loses Weight To Chase Fad Car. This Volkswagen ad was a real crowd pleaser, because, hello, fat dogs = where do I sign? (My petition for pro-dog-obesity.) Though my party co-horts and I couldn’t help but notice that not only does this dog lose weight, but he actually CHANGES BREEDS. That’s the power of an adorable car originally designed for the Third Reich, I guess.
2. Stubby Dog Wears Sneakers, Wins Race. You might be noticing a theme to last night’s Dog Ads: DOG FITNESS. This one wins in my book because I am an idiot who loves a dog in a sensible shoe.
3. Rescue Dog Gets People Wasted On Light Beer. While I don’t support the idea of dog beer slavery, this ad is pretty cute.
4. Dog Kills Cat, Bribes Local Idiot. Doritos will make an average man do above average lying, is the message I walked away from with this ad.
5. DAVID BECKHAM IN UNDERWEAR. I like the suggestive “hole punch” in his name. Also big ups to H&M for keeping him silent.
HERE’S THE ONLY CAT AD THAT AIRED:
It’s no Kitty Half Time Show, that’s for sure.
AND WHY NOT? A Bonus Monkey Ad! I don’t even care, I laughed.
For all these commercials and more, Buzzfeed has posted them all for your viewing pleasure.