Every year, the Super Bowl floods Vegas with hundreds of ridiculous ‘Prop Bets’ – small, specific Super Bowl related side-bets that aren’t contingent on the game’s outcome – many of which don’t actually involve football or sports at all, other than the timeless sport of ‘Kelly Clarkson Belly Guessing’. Here, because we’re slightly more a pop culture blog than we are an NFL analysis blog (debatable), is our Official BWE Rundown of 7 Madonna and Kelly Clarkson Super Bowl Bets That Paid Off.
1. What color will Madonna’s hair be when she begins the Super Bowl Halftime show?
– Blonde (1/4)
– Any other color (2.5/1)
RESULT: Blonde. Madonna went the safe route and just came out blonde, though the crappy 1-to-4 payoff was even worse than the odds for “Will there be a vague Egyptian/Stargate theme for the song ‘Vogue’ which is about neither thing?”
2. What will Madonna be using to start the Super Bowl Halftime show?
– Headset (1/3)
– Handheld Microphone (2/1)
RESULT: Headset. I actually laid $20 on “Literal Silver Penis-Microphone To Generate Random Controversy Followed By Instant Color Bars And Cut To Hyundai Commercial”. It didn’t win, but I really liked the odds at 2-to-1.
3. Will Madonna be wearing fishnet stockings at any point during the Halftime show?
– Yes (1/1, technically ‘bet 110 to win 100′)
– No (1/1)
RESULT: No. I don’t recall Madonna donning fishnets at any point, though my eyes were transfixed on that acrobatic Will Ferrell character the whole time, even the three times I rewatched the clip specifically to check on her stockings.
4. Will Madonna wear a hat at any point during the Super Bowl Halftime show?
– Yes (3/2)
– No (2/1)
RESULT: Yes. Although technically, she was wearing a pseudo-Egyptian headdressy type thing, not really a “hat,” but if you feel like approaching a bookie and pleading your case for the technical non-hatness of golden headdresses, then be my guest and instant hero.
5. How long will it take Kelly Clarkson to sing the Star Spangled Banner (from starting note to last note sung)?
– 1 minute, 34.5 seconds or longer (-120, meaning, bet $120 to win $100)
– Less than 1 minute 34.5 seconds (-120)
RESULT: Under. Kelly Clarkson’s National Anthem unofficially clocked in at 1 minute, 33 seconds, according to Mo. There were no odds for “Will Kelly Clarkson also inexplicably be Zooey Deschanel?”
6. Will Kelly Clarkson’s bare belly be showing when she sings the National Anthem?
– Yes (3/1)
RESULT: No. Vegas didn’t give people the option of betting on “No,” so this didn’t technically pay off, but it basically amounted to a very random joke at the expense of Clarkson’s midrift-defensiveness, so in a way, we’re ALL winners (except 31/32 NFL fanbases).
7. What will Kelly Clarkson wear to sing the National Anthem?
– Colts Jersey (7/1)
– Giants Jersey (15/1)
– Patriots Jersey (15/1)
– NFL shirt (2/1)
– Anything else (1/3)
RESULT: Anything Else. Booooooring. Although I’m kind of intrigued by the vagueness of the “NFL Shirt” option – This would’ve been an interesting insensitive wardrobe choice for the local Indy crowd. That is, if she wasn’t able to find a shirt with Chris Berman, James Lipton, and Andrew Zimmern singing in a car and confusing my parents.
So there you have it. Just know your Super Bowl National Anthem and Halftime Show singers’ tendencies, and you can easily make your$elf a MILLIONAIRE$$$$!!!! Let’s start brushing up on who we think it’ll be next year. I’m guessssingggg… Bo Bice National Anthem, Uggie The Dog With Ukulele Halftime Show? BOOM – It’s Wikipedia Time.