FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: The 54th Annual Grammy Awards

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DICK IN A BOXIEST

A-Trak & Armand



BEST REENACTMENT OF THE TANGO SCENE IN SCENT OF A WOMAN

Lady Gaga and Paul McCartney



GET THIS GIRL TO THE STAGE, MONISTAT!

Rihanna





I’D EAT HIS CHIPS FOR DAYS — OH SH*T!!! LADIES!!!!

Chip Days

IF I WORKED OUT AS MUCH AS FERGIE, I WOULD ACTUALLY WALK THE CARPET NUDE WITH A SINGLE SWIFFER DUSTER OVER MY REGION

Fergie



WORST PERSON TO SIT BEHIND

Deadmau5



AND A LIL VEST

Just Blaze



GETTING MY POLYPS REMOVED SO I CAN TURN INTO AN ALL NEW EPISODE OF BONES

Adele



LEAST LIKELY TO SLIP IN THE TUB

Katy Perry



IF YOU STARE LONG ENOUGH, YOU CAN SEE SLUTTY DOLPHINS

Snooki



I LOVE YOUR SHOES BECH

Greta Bech



NOTHING BUT NET

Lady Gaga



IF YOU RUB THEM TOGETHER, THEY’D MAKE BORING FIRE

Gwyneth Paltrow and Taylor Swift



DRESSFORMERS: MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE

Bonnie McKee



HOW HAS THERE NEVER BEEN A MOVIE CALLED LITTLE RED RIDING IN THE HOOD?

Nicki Minaj



SAY YES TO THE DRESS: AFTERLIFE EDITION

Skylar Grey



MOST LIKELY TO HAVE HAIR TOUSLED BY ME

Charlie Wilson



“MY NIECE MADE IT”

Esperanza Spalding



BOOTPANTS!!!

Laurieann Gibson



SMURFIEST MONEY SHOT

La Vida Boheme



MOST LIKELY TO TELL HIS DENTIST “SEE, I WAS PRETENDING IT WAS A CHOCOLATE GRAMMY FOR THE CAMERAS

Bon Iver



LEVITATIEST

Ryan Tedder



NO JOKE HERE, HE LOOKS AMAZING

Mario Lopez



UNSLICKEST MOVE SINCE THE PENIS IN THE POPCORN BUCKET TRICK

Rihanna and Katy Perry



LOOKING A LITTLE HEFTY. NO, LIKE THE GARBAGE BAG.

MC Lyte



LADIES AND GENTLEMEN: THE INVENTOR OF AUTOTUNE

David Sharpe and the Papa Hugs Band



I WONK TO BE LOVED BY YOU

Paris



SHIRT MOST LIKELY TO BE SEEN ON CABLE ACCESS TV AT 3 AM

Rick Ross



CLEARLY THE BEST PERSON AT THE GRAMMYS

Monty Alexander



MOST BELOVED BY THE RUSSIAN JUDGE

D’manti



BIGGEST GLAMBERT

Diane Warren



TINIEST ATTENDEES! (AND MY FAVES!)

Rosie and Sophia Grace


BLAME IT ON THE RAINIEST

Victor Cruz and Mario Manningham



ROBE VS WADE

Porcelain Black



THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT, PEOPLE WHO WANT TO BE LEGENDARY

Jennifer Hudson



“THEY’RE KIND OF LIKE THE MEXICAN BRIDESMAIDS” – HOW I WOULD DESCRIBE THEIR MUSIC BASED ON THIS PHOTO ALONE

The Mariachi Divas



SASSIEST HITLER YOUTH!

Skrillex



SH*T. HE MISSED.

Stevie Wonder and Chris Brown



“WAIT, HITLER’S NOT ACTUALLY HERE? WELL SH*T.”

Sasha Gradiva

or

MOST ANNOYING PERSON WHO BOUGHT TICKETS TO THE GUN SHOW

Sasha Gradiva

or

RISKIEST HAND JOB

Sasha Gradiva


FAVORITE DRESS OF THE NIGHT, AND I’M NOT JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE I MIGHT GET FIRED IF I DIDN’T

Taylor Swift



SALE ON BUGLE BEADS IN TOWN WHEREVER THIS ONE IS FROM

Jessie J



STUDLIEST

David Guetta



HAPPY SLUT PATRICK’S DAY!

Nancy O’Dell (Side-note: I almost bought this dress once. It’s BCBG and looked terrible on me. Bye!)



MOST LIKELY TO ADMINISTER A VULCAN BREAST PINCH

Coco and Ice-T



BEST UPPER BODY WORKOUT LAST NIGHT

Adele



AND ME AT THE END OF THE GRAMMYS