Rihanna threw herself a pity party on The Jonathan Ross Show this week over her unbearable singleness, but how can this woman be unattached when she looks this dirty fabulous on her new Italian Battleship poster? Even with those tattoos? It defies all logic! “Single life is so overrated,” RiRi sighed on the British talk show. “It sucks. I have such incredible experiences in my life. You don’t want to live your life and then meet someone. You want to share your life with someone. That’s what I’m missing right now.” Look, we love sexy Rihanna and hipster Rihanna as much as anyone else. But tatted-up, alien-fighting Rihanna? The idea that this image can exist in the world and RiRi not have engagement rings stacked on every finger is baffling to us.
Rihanna‘s complaints also suggest to us that rumors about a Rihanna/Chris Brown reunion have been greatly exaggerated. As does her level of Adele obsession, which based on our experience, suggests she is days away from creating an OkCupid profile. “Her last album, 21, spoke to me so much,” Rihanna said of the British songstress. “It was so personal to her, but I feel like everyone in the world identified with it, to the point that I had to stop listening because it was depressing me so much. If you identify with it, sometimes you don’t want to hear about it.” Do you want to hear about how fierce you looking holding a machine gun instead, RiRi? Because that’s what we want to talk about. And we have got all day.