Jennifer Love Hewitt is trying too hard. We admit that this wasn’t our first thought when we saw her looking hotter than ever on the April cover of Maxim. Our teenage crush is most certainly alive and well. But what bummed us out was her interview within, where the former Ghost Whisperer works so desperately hard to convince us she’s a naughty girl.
This actually is nothing new for the actress, who turned 33 last month. She’s playing a housewife-turned-prostitute in the new Lifetime series, The Client List (premiering next month), which she describes as “a lingerie-heavy show every episode.” Jennifer admits to taking her style cues from Victoria’s Secret Angles, which she views as “gorgeous glamor heroes.” It’s a far cry from her days emulating Audrey Hepburn as a style icon. We’re not sure if this is all a conscious effort to change her public image (a la Saved By The Bell star Elizabeth Berkley‘s turn in Showgirls), but something about this interview pushed us over the line.
In addition to discussing her secret passion for pole-dancing, Jennifer took the opportunity to sing the praises once more of vajazzaling, which she defines as “BeDazzling for your hoo-ha.” But don’t for a minute think she sticks any old Lisa Frank stickers down there. JLH uses Swarovski crystals for maximum glitz and glamour! “I can walk around all day and think, ‘Nobody has any idea that I have a sparkly secret in my pants right now.'” But she also made sure to give a shout out to her boobs, which she considers her favorite body part. “They’ve always served me well. They’re good,” she says.
Boobs, pole dancing, prostitutes, Victoria’s Secret idolization and “the sparkly secret in her pants”…it’s all too much! She’s no longer the girl next door! Unless you live next to Charlie Sheen (#JokeWouldHaveBeenFunnyLastYear). But the part that depressed us the most was when the four-time Maxim cover-girl discussed what the photo-shoot means to her. “It’s my scale of how good I look,” she admits. “Whenever you guys call and say it’s time to be on your cover, I’m like, ‘OK, I’m in good shape.’ And when you don’t call, I’m like, ‘I guess I should hit the gym.'” That ain’t right, y’all. What happened to her days of saying FU to body critics? We love you, Jennifer! Can you please just make a Can’t Hardly Wait sequel now and leave the lingerie and Swarovski at home?