Alien Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, “Silly” Pretty Woman — Is Nothing Sacred?


If you thought we couldn’t work Donatello, Leonardo, Raphael and Michaelangelo into a post with Julia Roberts, you would be wrong. (That’s why we are professionals.) There is a very important reason to write about both of these things today: Some mean guys are intent on ruining our sacred memory of ’90s things that were kind of not that great to begin with.

First, there was Michael Bay’s announcement that his reboot of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would change a key element of the Turtles’ backstory: They are now aliens instead of mutants. And there was outrage! Robbie Rist, the voice of Michaelangelo in the first movies, accused the director of “sodomizing” the franchise. Ouch.

“Fans need to take a breath, and chill,” Bay wrote on his own forum last night. “Our team is working closely with one of the original creators of Ninja Turtles to help expand and give a more complex back story. Relax, we are including everything that made you become fans in the first place. We are just building a richer world.”

And while the boys (gross generalization!) were up in arms over their beloved mutants — who are man size, and live underground, and wear eye masks to disguise their identities, and are named after Italian Renaissance painters, and collaborated with Vanilla Ice — the girls (horrible stereotype) were experiencing heartbreak of their own, courtesy of Richard Gere.

“It’s my least favorite thing,” Gere told Australian Woman’s Day of 1990’s Pretty Woman. “People ask me about that movie, but I’ve forgotten it. That was a silly romantic comedy. This is a much more serious movie that has some real cause and effect.”

How dare he! Criticize a movie in which Julia Roberts plays a prostitute who falls in love with a corporate raider. And makes him fall in love with her by crying at the opera. And is insulted when his friend tries to hire her. And then gets to go shopping a lot and lives happily ever after. That’s not silly at all!

OK, so important question time…

[Photos: Touchstone, New Line]

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