19 Ways Hollywood Can Ruin The New 1984 Movie


George Orwell’s classic novel 1984 is on track to be adapted into another feature film. Noted street artist Shepard Fairey is said to be co-producing the project, but we’re still highly confident Hollywood will find a way to ruin it. Here are 19 simple ways Hollywood can do exactly that:

19. CGI’d Big Brother

18. Victory Gin Replaced With Ciroc

18. Constant Winking Allusions To ‘Future’ Events

16. Movie re-set in the distant, dystopian future year of 2014.

15. Foster The People cover Prince’s “1999” (rewritten as “1984”) over the opening and closing credits (and quietly on the Truth Radio in the background of one scene)

14. Slogans “WAR IS PEACE,” “FREEDOM IS SLAVERY,” and “IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH,” joined by fourth phrase, “IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING – Adidas”

13. 60% of footage recycled from V For Vendetta

12. Other 40% of footage recycled from Mars Needs Moms

11. All characters are in flying cars throughout entire movie.

10. Big Brother is gonna be “Tough, edgy, funny, and completely lovable”

9. ‘Righteous’ 80’s soundtrack available on Capitol Records

(p.s. – this basically actually did happen to the 80s film)

8. “Eastasia” renamed “Unobtainium”

7. “Thoughtcrimes” represented by Julie Taymor-directed ‘dream sequences’

6. 3-D

5. John Hurt cameos as Winston’s wacky father

4. Twitter Vampires

3. Channing Tatum

2. The Party replaced with actual party

1. “We did it, Julia!” [“Good Lovin” kicks up, wedding scene, credits]

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