The folks at People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals have long shown that they are marketing geniuses, but their latest celebrity endorsement takes the cruelty-free cake: Courtney Stodden explaining why her dog Bazaar has made her switch “to a vegetarian.” Or something like that. The genius of the above video is that they clearly did not give her a script to follow. Maybe they gave her some talking points, but she is spouting pure Courtney Stodden poetry as she convinces us to do all of the PETA things at once. For the convenience of your future study, and so you can convince your friends to switch to a vegetarian too, here are seven compelling arguments from our favorite 17-year-old bride/princess:
1. There are millions of animals in shelters forced to live with their natural hair color. “I believe that there are so many animals in shelters who need homes, and so if I’m going to welcome another companion into our home, I would suggest to go to a shelter and not only make them happy and live a healthy life, but save a life as well.”
2. Food that looks back at you is scary. “I wasn’t really fond of eating meat and anything with a face because I just felt it was an awful thing to do.” Do RPattz pancakes count?
3. Tofu is delicious. “I had my first Thanksgiving with being a vegetarian. No turkey, I had tofu. It was vegan. It was delicious, I did not miss turkey.”
4. Your loving husband can save time cooking and devote more hours to picking yesterday’s clothing off the floor. “[In the PETA College Cookbook] there are dishes that look delicious but they only take five minutes to make. Even someone like me who doesn’t know how to cook a lick basically, you can just have so much fun cooking like a five minute dish and enjoy it.”
5. Two-for-one deal. “You feel better within yourself because you know that you are not only saving animals, but you are actually helping the environment.”
6. It is definitely inefficient to eat an entire cow in one sitting. “Why enjoy one meal when you are killing a life?”
7. Every time you eat meat, you will make Courtney cry. “I went online and I watched a video and it brought me to tears. It broke my heart and I was crying for about an hour. They have a painful death and they’re lying there losing their life.”
Hmmm, there’s nothing about not wearing leather or fur, interestingly. Maybe that’s for the sequel. Please let there be a sequel?