April 15th, 2012 will mark the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic, one of the most notoriously tragic events in recent human history (redeemed somewhat by its indirectly causing Downton Abbey). If you’re looking to honor this momentous anniversary in a classy manner truly befitting the dignity of the Titanic’s lost souls, then there’s probably something else you can do, but if you just want to drop a few bucks on a random object with “TITANIC” slapped on it, then you are in luck, sir or madame with specific wants!!!
Here’s our official BWE Buyer’s Guide to the 20 Tackiest Titanic-Themed Gifts. CLASS is officially in session:
20. I Heart Titanic Tank Top
An exact replica of the one worn by the ship’s Captain 100 years ago:
19. $19 Heart of the Ocean
I want you to draw me wearing this… Wearing ONLY this… and this ‘Titanic Rules’ hat… and these sunglasses with the hologram eyes… and this “Titanic Is #1!” foam finger…
18. Titanic Tie
17. Titanic Embroidered Baseball Cap
For maximum classitude, leave the brim flat and the 59/Fifty sticker on.
16. Titanic Apron
Alt version: “Kiss the Cook Actually Kiss The TITANIC”
15. Titanic Embroidered Towel & Vinolia Soap
An exact replica of the very towel and soap not given to any passengers.
14. Titanic Voyage Mugs
Honestly, if there’s ever been a time or a place to get hammered…
13. Titanic iPhone 4 case
Be more careful with your iPhone than mankind was in 1912!
12. Titanic Commemorative Coin (Contains Authentic Coal Recovered From The Titanic)
At least, we hope that’s coal.
11. Titanic Flashing Pin
Show you care more than those posers with the nonflashing pins.
10. The “Titanic Rose” Hat
Rose’s symbol of extravagant wealth can be YOUR ideal Downton Abbey Halloween costume.
9. Titanic Dog Tag with 30″ chain necklace
On a literal dog, we’ll let it slide.
8. 6″ Titanic Brass Ship Bell
Actually just a leftover bell from the McDonald’s “Hunchback Of Notre Dame” Happy Meal line.
7. Titanic Whistle
In honor of the famous movie quote, “I’m king of the world also check out this whistle I’m holdinggggg!!!!”
6. Titanic Genuine Legal Tender U.S. $2 Bill
Worth $2 officially, but in terms of sentimental value, it’s easily up over $4.50.
5. Titanic Skateboard
This counts as a Titanic gift, right? Judges? [Left 9 jokes ago] It counts.
4. Rose’s Doll Trunk
There’s something wrong with what my Rose Doll says
3. TUBTANIC, The Titanic-Themed Bathtub Plug
It’s even designed to look like it’s sinking when you plug your bath with it. PURELY in the interest of historical accuracy and not “What the f**k”-ness.
[Photo: Splash News]
2. Titanic Bumper Sticker
Regardless of your politics, it’s hard to argue with such stunning graphic-design acumen.
1. “I Go Down” Tank Top
Now everyone can finally rest in peace. Not just those lost in the Titanic – literally everyone ever.