“Julia loved ballet. She truly, truly loved it. The grace, the discipline, the pageantry. Has anyone seen the movie Black Swan? Julia was sort of like that about ballet, minus the having visions of a malevolent man-swan. But with the abdomen stabbing, which is of course why we are gathered here today. What’s that? Dale, I wrote in the program that the eulogy might have spoilers. I put that in specifically to avoid having conversations like this. It’s on the second page there. See it? Okay, good. Amen.”
“Jim lived inside a guitar, so it’s only fitting he be buried in one. I’m speaking metaphorically, of course, about the “living in a guitar” part. Jim didn’t know about this crazy coffin company until the very end, or else he probably would have ordered this bad boy earlier and used it as a bed or something. Jim was one weird dude, wasn’t he? Thanks be to God.”
[Photo: Splash News Online]