New Party Game! In apropos of nothing, we’ve spent the last two days coming up with Celebrities Whose Names Sound Like Game Of Thrones Characters – meaning, actors, musicians, athletes, and other famous people whose real-life names contain some combination of fantasy-ness, pseudo-ethnicity, and juuust-slightly-offitude worthy of a bonafide Westeros inhabitant.
Here are our favorite 50 Celebrity Names That Sound Like Game Of Thrones Characters, along with descriptions of who their names would be on the show (not who they’d be, just the names), ranked from 50 to 1 in order of Game Of Throneyness. Leave your own suggestions in the comments – we stupidly can’t get enough of these:
50. Baz Luhrmann
Director of Moulin Rouge; Shifty mage apprentice to the warlock Pyat Pree
49. Jurnee Smollet
Played Jess on Friday Night Lights; Homely Winterfell commoner who attracts Theon’s affections
48. Joaquin Phoenix
Star of Gladiator and Walk The Line; Standard-Bearer of House Feynix (Season 5)
47. Alastair Fothergill
Producer of Planet Earth and Disney’s Chimpanzee; Decorated Royal Guard of the southern village Gander’s Tooth
46. Paz De La Huerta
Boardwalk Empire actress; Wildling who got naked as I was typing this
45. Pau Gasol
Lakers forward; Unruly Dothraki dissident
44. Regina Spektor
Singer-songwriter; Female ranger nicknamed “The Spektor” because she can move silently and all GoT words need to be one letter off
43. Benedict Cumberbatch
Star of Sherlock; Night’s Watch deserter turned olive farmer
42. Tyler The Creator
Rapper and producer; Deluded Iron-Throne seeker full of magical boasts
41. Takeo Spikes
Veteran NFL linebacker; Scheming emerald-alchemist in Qarth’s “Shadow Area”
40. Adrien Brody
Star of The Pianist and King Kong; One of Robert Baratheon’s secret bastards with a heart of silver
39. Kanye West
Rapper/Producer/Tweeter; Noble-born southern youth who longs to join The Opal Swordsmen
38. Damon Albarn & Graham Coxon
Members of Blur; Incognito arrowhead-thieves operating under the Brotherhood Without Banners
37. Coco Chanel
Fashion designer; Sassy direwolf
36. Jordany Valdespin
New York Mets utility infielder; Wise but surly candlemaker of the Pyke village
35. Jackson Rathbone
Jasper from the Twilight movies; Known simply as “Rathbone,” his grey magic threatens to confuse the Starks
34. Gore Vidal
Author and political activist; Deceased former captain of the king’s guard whose likeness graces the Shrine Of The Guardade Unblinking
33. Aidan Quinn
Veteran character-actor; Killed and fed to his Night’s Watch companions after looking near Craster’s daughters
32. Dweezil & Ahmet Zappa
Multitalented sons of Frank Zappa; Dothraki slaves who may be Daeny’s only hope for navigating The Sea Of Legless Manys
31. Andrew Bird
Musician; Bran’s pet raven
30. Emma Stone
Starred in The Help and Superbad; Enchantress who once possessed the coveted Rib Of Thwain
29. Djimon Honsou
Co-star of Gladiator and Blood Diamond; Red Waste trader who’s willing to open his caravan to Daenerys…for a price
28. Les Moonves
President of CBS; Stark-loyal King’s Guard exiled by Joffrey to the remote Marshes of Sparrowmoss
27. Emeril Lagasse
Celebrity chef; Knight of House Bamme
26. Idris Elba
Star of The Wire and numerous films; Only jouster in King’s Landing who’s never lost in the Thirdmoon’s Melee
25. Bear Grylls
Star of Man vs. Wild; Gruff giant who Arya dreams of killing
24. Dov Charney
American Apparel founder; Incorruptible eunuch-soldier of Storm’s End
23. Hugo Weaving
Co-star of The Matrix and Lord Of The Rings; Eyeless thief with an endless knowledge of arboreal mythology
22. Ethan Hawke
Star of Dead Poets Society and Training Day; Virtuous fruiter’s cousin who falls for Arya
21. Adele
Musician; Stannis’ semi-magical companion who is constantly stirring a cauldron
20. Jair Jurrjens
Atlanta Braves pitcher; Half-Dothraki offspring whose hidden heritage is punishable by death twice
19. Ronaldinho
Brazilian soccer player; Daenerys follower betrayed while betraying Daenerys
18. Sparrow James Midnight Madden & Harlow Winter Kate Madden
Children of Nicole Richie and Joel Madden; Rightful heirs to the throne at Maddonblayze
17. Jrue Holiday
Philadelphia 76ers point guard; Lannister cousin whose name is almost ‘Drew’
16. Crispin Glover
Back to the Future co-star; Plays himself
15. Goran Visnjic
ER co-star; Drawn and quartered for ice-treachery in the court at Dragonstone
14. Griffin Goldsmith
Drummer for Dawes; Legendary sharpshooter of the Iron Islands wielding “The Crossbow Of Unmissing”
13. Imogen Poots
Co-star of 28 Weeks Later and Fright Night; Crafty hay merchant’s daughter determined to seduce Jorah Mormont
12. Bjork
Icelandic singer; Court Jester at The Eyrie who secretly controls Robin Arryn with an ancient Brainage spell
11. Landon Pigg
British singer; Samwell Tarly’s fatter, clumsier Night’s Watch companion
10. Tarkan
Turkish Singer; Xaro’s pet wrathtiger
9. Sybelle Silverphoenix
Actress and model; Jeor Mormont’s stowaway mistress who boasts she can “out-halberd any male Ranger”
8. The Edge
U2 guitarist; Rival of The Hound, The Mountain, and The Big
7. Eliza Dushku
Appeared in Buffy, Angel, and many films; Cleric of Sand’s Equinox, the most chill city in the Red Waste
6. Kal-El Cage
Son of Nicolas Cage; Least docile Dothraki horse
5. Moon Bloodgood
Terminator: Salvation co-star; Prophet-disciple of Walthqynn, The Ancient God of Butts and Grain
4. Lark Voorhies
Lisa from Saved By The Bell; Disgraced Targaryen war-champion whose name, if mentioned, is punishable by ratbucket
3. Fedor Tyutin
Columbus Blue Jackets defenseman; Night’s Watch disciple of Qhorin Halfhand and avid fingerer
2. Fairuza Balk
Co-star of The Craft and American History X; Season 4 is just 10 episodes of her f***ing a dude made out of fire
1. Agyness Deyn
English fashion model; So Game Of Thrones-sounding, the series is revealed to have been her dream the whole time
Honorable Mentions (Too on-the-nose to actually be on the show): Wolf Blitzer, Armie Hammer, Dick Wolf… Got some more? Leave them in the comments – this game, like Game Of Thrones, should go on literally forever.
(Thanks to Liz Black, Lauren Olson, and Nate Kushner for saying names to me then us laughing for the last two days)
(P.S. – The descriptions are nonsensical, no need to try to figure them out / correct me that ‘Gander’s Tooth’ is not a place / read them at all)
