The 2000s is such an awkward time period. How do you even describe it? The phrase “that’s so ’90s” just flows off the tongue, but “that’s so ’00s”? How do you even pronounce that? And don’t tell us to say “the oughts,” because that is not even a thing. We need someone to teach us fast, because that is the perfect way to describe the upcoming film Pawn Shop Chronicles, which stars (wait for it) Matt Dillon, Brendan Fraser, Elijah Wood, Vincent D’Onofrio, Lukas Haas, Ashlee Simpson and, of course, The New Guy star DJ Qualls. We knew Qualls would rise like a phoenix! Meanwhile, Avril Lavigne and Jar Jar Binks must be so bummed they never got the call. Maybe something will open up in the sequel, you guys? You too, Razor scooters and pre-distressed jeans!
If the cast is a little too much 2002 for you, don’t worry. The film’s plot, according to Deadline, is utterly timeless: “a dark comedy about a man searching for his abducted wife, a couple of white supremacist meth heads and a sad sack Elvis impersonator all linked through items sold or found in a small Southern town’s local pawn shop.” Throw in a couple freedom fries and Livestrong bracelets, and we’re there!
[Photo: Getty Images]