Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise Settle Fastest Celeb Divorce Ever!

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Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise

Holy Xenu, that was fast! Katie Holmes’ attorney just confirmed to People today that she and Tom Cruise have reached a settlement less than two weeks after Katie filed in New York. “The case has been settled and the agreement has been signed. We are thrilled for Katie and her family and are excited to watch as she embarks on the next chapter of her life,” attorney Jonathan Wolfe said in a statement.

This has to be one of the quickest divorce settlements in the history of celebrity splits. And it’s making us miiiiighty suspicious. Last week, Holmes filed to make the divorce public, leading many to speculate that Cruise had some kind of secret he didn’t want to get out via court papers, which Holmes was in turn using as a bargaining chip. Was it a deep dark Scientology secret? Was he actually having an affair with David Beckham? Was he secretly lip-synching in Rock of Ages? The world may never know now. But the fact that they announced this settlement so quickly makes us feel we have free reign to believe all of the above. Just kidding! Journalism!

Sources say that Katie was working on getting full custody of 6-year-old Suri, with visitation rights for Tom, but neither Holmes’ lawyer nor the joint statement from the actors’ reps have divulged the details.

“We are committed to working together as parents to accomplish what is in our daughter Suri’s best interests,” reads a joint statement from Cruise and Holmes. “We want to keep matters affecting our family private and express our respect for each other’s commitment to each of our respective beliefs and support each other’s roles as parents.”

And in other news, Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries’ divorce is long from complete.

[Photo: Getty Images]