Guys, we don’t know much about filmmaking. Maybe the people behind Channing Tatum‘s new movie 10 Years felt he had to have a horrible goatee in order to look like the kind of Everyman who would have regrets about his high school girlfriend, rather than the kind of jacked A-lister that women want to see take off his shirt and audiences want to see wise-crack alongside Jonah Hill. Those people were wrong, of course. So, so tragically wrong.
We mean, they didn’t make Channing’s real life spouse Jenna Dewan-Tatum wear braces or Rosario Dawson get a bowl cut to play his fictional wife and first love respectively. Other than Channing’s chin pubes, the rest of the movie looks pretty spot on. Parks & Rec‘s Chris Pratt and Aubrey Plaza, Justin Long drinking out of a baby bottle: the elements are all here. We wish they had just written on Channing’s script “You are a man with a goatee,” so he could have had a goatee on the inside, rather than on his face. Who even has goatees these days? Magicians? Major league pitchers? We’re already on record as despising Leo DiCaprio‘s putrid facial landscaping. How much more negative feedback does Hollywood need?