5 Robert Pattinson Quotes That Will Immediately Be Misinterpreted Following His MTV Interview

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Bravo to Robert Pattinson and MTV News for an excellent interview last night that managed to include neither food nor awkward questions about his love life. “This isn’t Oprah or Dr. Phil,” Josh Horowitz promised, probably disappointing all of the other gossip sites of the world. Which is why we just know that Rob’s answers to questions both silly and serious about Cosmopolis and the rest of his career are going to be picked apart for clues about how he feels about Kristen Stewart. We’re going to make a preemptive strike here and list those statements, just so any willful misinterpreters know we’re onto them.

1. Rob has shot a gun “many times, just recently.” Is he working off frustration and picturing Rupert Sanders’ face at the shooting range? Um, OR he is preparing to play an army interrogator in Mission: Blacklist and any other action movie he wants to do after that.

2. “I’ve been writing a lot of [music] recently.” Oh, the breakup must have inspired him to write all sorts of sad songs! OR, his crazy busy movie schedule is finally letting up enough so that he has the free time to return to his other passion.

3. “Only sociopaths like kittens.” He was attacking Kristen and her cat! OR, he was joking in response to the silly question: Kittens or puppies?

4. “I was looking at my storage unit the other day …” because he moved out of his L.A. home and had to put anything that reminded him of Kristen in a place far from sight. OR, he was again joking about MTV owing him a few Golden Popcorns after he was handed the MTV Movies Brawl award.

5. “I was either very close to killing myself or killing her. … I remember running out of the car and going back to my trailer, like, ‘I hate her.’ ” Just kidding! That was Rob being typically self-deprecating as he described how he felt after Cosmopolis co-star Sarah Gadon casually asked how he’d prepared to play Eric Packer.

Phew! Now that we have those out of the way, what was your favorite part of the interview? When Rob joked about hiding his belly during the sex scene in Cosmopolis? When he admitted to having The Mask memorized? News of all the other interesting movies he’ll make next? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Related: What Will Robert Pattinson Eat Next?