Dear residents of Manchester, New Jersey:
It has come to our attention that many of you allegedly have concerns about Snooki and JWoww descending on your town like a pair of beautiful, orange locusts when shooting begins on the second season of Snooki & JWoww. According to TMZ, S&J’s production company 495 Productions allegedly sussed out your small town and gained permission from your mayor to film before some of you had even heard about it. Having seen and/or smelled Jersey Shore, you were (rightfully!) concerned that Snooki & Co. are about to bring the Jersey Turnpike straight through your town, and not in the helpful way where it’s easier to get to Trenton. Having watched every episode of Snooki & JWoww so far, we want to lay all those fears to rest.
First of all, Snooki will be having a baby before or during filming of the second season. If she’s spent 90% of the first season sleeping, decorating things with leopard-print duct tape and/or having wholesome sit-down meals with her in-laws, we doubt she’s suddenly going to go buck wild once there’s a newborn in the mix. As for JWoww, she’s never been the party monster of the group, and from what we can tell, now spends most of her free time picking up dog poop produced by her three tiny, insane pooches and screaming at Roger. We think they’ve done to the club twice in nine episodes, and during one visit Snooki demanded they go home early. If you don’t believe us, go ahead and check out Snooki’s Twitter. Bump pics, fan shout-outs, photos of sequined shoulder pads: there’s nary a Red Bull and Vodka or dubstep remix in sight. Hey, you’ll probably even learn to love them! Not those little dogs though. Those little dogs are…well, they’re no good.