Amy Poehler And Will Arnett Announce Divorce, We Learn True Love Does Not Exist

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Amy Poehler, Will Arnett Announce Divorce

NOOOOOOOOOOO! There is probably no other couple on the planet we would be more horrified to learn are splitting up. This is like Al and Tipper Gore all over again! Despite embodying all our hopes and dreams about “having it all” and “being an amazing comedy duo as well as sensual lovers at the same time,” Amy Poehler and Will Arnett are getting divorced after nine years of marriage. Their rep confirmed the suprising news to People, though we struggle to understand how he or she got the announcement out in between all their choking sobs.

We guess we would be less stunned by the news if we had any inclination that the Parks And Rec star and spouse were having trouble. Someone needs to consult their publicists for tips on how to keep a celeb’s private life on lock. The marriage was Amy’s first, and Arnett’s second; the Up All Night star was previously married to Penelope Ann Miller. The couple has two young sons, 2-year-old Abel and 3-year-old Archie, who is just so chubby and redheaded…oh lord, why? WHYYYYYYYY? Thank god we have the MTV VMAs to watch, or we would be running down the streets, tearing at our clothes and howling.

[Photo: Getty Images]