DMX Admits He Doesn’t Know How To Google Himself, Might Literally Be Your Great Aunt

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We don’t know how exactly to put this, but we’ve been gathering evidence (mainly from this Grantland post) and we’ve come to the conclusion that the rapper DMX might actually your great aunt on your father’s side. As suggested by a recent interview with Power 105.1, DMX too is charmingly perplexed by computers and the Internet. Other than his history of drug possession and animal cruelty, DMX and your great aunt could be twins! Let’s break down the facts, shall we? Both DMX and your great aunt…

  1. Love pairing a gigantic diamond cross necklace with t-shirts.
  2. Are open enough to admit, “I don’t even know how to use the computer.”
  3. Are stubborn enough to declare, “I don’t want to learn how to use the computer.”
  4. Generally seem baffled by the computer, describing it as “scary.”
  5. Don’t know you have to hit Enter when Googling and we are dying now.
  6. While unfamiliar with the Rainbow Wheel of Death, know instinctively to hate it: “I don’t have patience for s— like that.”
  7. Don’t seem to mind when content editor Vanessa Denis publicly chastises them for reaching for the wrong mouse.
  8. Act like computers, Google and technology are so preposterous, no adult should be expected to master them, claiming “That’s like something you call somebody, like a baby ‘goo-goo’ — it’s weird.”
  9. Once vacuumed a nightclub just to be nice.

On the other hand…DMX claims “I know how to do it on a phone,” which is proof positive he and your great aunt are not literally inhabiting the same body. Other than that, the case is still open. We were going to say this video opens up a whole line of questioning about what DMX’s life is like, but we’re pretty sure we have an idea: infinite soft caramels, microwavable socks and all the Dateline episodes a person could want. All of which sounds way better than the Internet 99% of the time.

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