President Obama, we’re almost certain you didn’t step in and fire Amanda Bynes‘ arresting officer like she beseeched you back in June; we imagine we all would have heard about it. Luckily for you, now there’s a brand-new opportunity to help a girl out. All you have to do is fire the judge, lawyers, bailiffs and police officers involved with Amanda Bynes’ upcoming trial, if she ever ends up having to go to court. Easy peasy! The All That star must be pretty confident you’re going to pull through for her, seeing as how she just filed a not guilty plea for her two counts of hit-and-run. Think about it: what’s the point of getting another term if you aren’t going to do personal favors for former child stars? That would be our one and only reason to ever run for office!
The Los Angeles City Attorney filed charges against Bynes back on Septemer 5, and the actress is due back in court October 19. Uh, does everyone remember the fact that one of Amanda’s hit-and-run charges stems from an incident where she sideswiped a police car? Obama, maybe could you loan Amanda one of those secret government time machines to journey back and call a cab instead? Then travel further back and prevent ancient man from inventing alcohol? Girl still has a DUI charge to deal with, and it would be a big help if the space-time continuum could take care of that one for her.
[Photo: Getty Images]