It is without a doubt amusing to watch Jennifer Garner in interviews. She always seems like the bubbly popular girl in high school who would go out of her way to befriend the class nerd. We can’t wait to see what she does on The Ellen DeGeneres Show today, after watching the above expert, in which she struggles to remember how old her son Samuel is and talks about husband Ben Affleck’s “wonder sperm” and his affinity for tea parties with their daughters while he’s half asleep. But if you’re as avid an Alias fan as I am, you will also be a little bit saddened by Jen’s sweet-natured airheadedness in this chat. It looks like Hollywood success and motherhood have erased all remnants of the woman who once saved the world from the Covenant. On the bright side, Butter looks really funny. Just because misery loves company, I’m sharing five ways in which Jen is sadly no Sydney Bristow:
1. Sydney Bristow speaks 25 languages: English, Russian, German, Greek, Dutch, French, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, Swedish, Romanian, Hungarian, Hebrew, Uzbek, Arabic, Urdu, Indonesian, Cantonese, Mandarin, Japanese, Korean, Hindi, Vietnamese, Czech and Bulgarian. (According to the Alias Wikia, because I lost count.)
Jen has to take a minute to remember her children’s names. (For the record, Violet, Seraphina and Samuel.)
2. Sydney can juggle getting a graduate degree in English Lit with working for a black-ops unit of the CIA.
Jen sometimes forgets where she put Sam down.
3. Sydney’s got such fierce Krav Maga skills, she can face down multiple armed men.
Jen is very susceptible to Ben Affleck’s “wonder sperm.”
4. Sydney can disarm a nuclear bomb.
Jen’s son pees in her eye.
5. Sydney killed 71 people over the course of five seasons.
Jen is now starring in a movie called Butter.
On the bright side, yeah, we’d much prefer Jen’s life to Sydney’s, in case anyone’s offering.