Last week Dancing With the Stars first All-Stars season said a not-so-shocking goodbye to Pamela Anderson and her sexy wriggle. Looks like the riffraff is disappearing quicker than usual, and everyone knows the competition is stiff. Let’s continue breaking down the good, the not-so-bad and the ugly from the dance floor and see if we can predict which DWTS alums stepped it up enough to stick around another week.
Gilles Marini & Peta Murgatroyd
Although it was Sabrina Bryan & Louis Van Amstel who scored the highest routine of the night by pulling the first 9 from the judges this season, Switched at Birth hottie Gilles Marini (don’t you dare mock my ABC Family programming obsession) showed a little more cleavage than his former Cheetah Girls competition. Man Boobs > Sparkly Lady Cleavage = Gilles Wins All The Points. Shirtlessness aside, his excited, high-kicking jive was made all the more impressive since he strained a thigh muscle practicing. Many thanks to ABC for conducting part of Gilles interview while he was pantsless lying on a physical therapy table. What say you, Bruno Tonioli? “You’ve got the coiff. You’ve got the cleavage. Let the good times roll!” Indeed. Score: 24.5/30
Drew Lachey & Anna Trebunskaya
Drew was in the bottom two last week, so he tried turn up the edge in his routine to get fans to vote for him this week. Cue the guyliner and a jive routine set to “Dance, Dance ” that would make Pete Wentz proud. Drew won’t have the buffer of a blatantly bad Pamela Anderson to keep him from elimination tonight, but he was definitely more exciting than that awkward foxtrot he attempted. I hope it was enough, and not just because it would be the hardest thing for my ’90s baby heart to watch either of the boy band guys go just yet. Okay, maybe a little. Score: 22.5/30
Bristol Palin & Mark Balis
I suspect that when Bristol Palin said, “This song is so me, because I’m a redneck; I always have a baby on my hip,” at the top of her pre-dance package this week, Gretchen Wilson cried a single tear. It’s not so much that Bristol’s “Redneck Woman” tribute removed all pride imbued by that 2004 country girl anthem from hicks everywhere with one minute of boot clogging. It’s more that Bristol sloppily line-danced her way through her ballroom quickstep routine like a drunk college co-ed who got excited at The Bar on dollar beer night when “my song!” came on. Bruno said it best: “It was like the quickstep goes ‘Gangnam Style‘ in the wild, wild west.” Whatever. I don’t mind stomaching Bristol’s ratings grab-fest presence as long as she keeps incorporating drinking game cliches into her video packages. Everyone deserves a shot for sitting through it. Score: 18/30