Christopher Walken Reads Honey Boo Boo Script; Honey Boo Boo Achieves Total Cultural Dominance

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“Not all that vajiggle jaggle.” And with that Christopher Walken becomes the last part of American culture to be taken over by Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. The Seven Psychopaths actor joins Colin Farrell and Sam Rockwell for an in-character reading for the show’s dialogue for Screen Junkies. “These are words,” Walken states. It’s not a question. Of course it’s not. He’d have to be a fool to be completely unfamiliar with Alana and her family, considering how all pervasive they are now. They’ve pretty much invaded every aspect of entertainment, like…

SNL: Who couldn’t imagine Alana’s mom June saying, “I’m cool as a june bug. I just always look like a video that got paused in a weird spot”? Until we mentioned it, you probably thought she did actually said it!  Parody and reality have become one and the same.

South Park: Did South Park imply Alana needs a pig’s heart to live? Sure, but she also got to beat up Cartman. What reality star can say that? It’s better than the treatment they gave Snooki, that’s for sure.

Rebel Wilson’s brain: They got Rebel, ya’ll! And since we all love her, using the transitive property, we in turn must love Honey Boo Boo

The English language: Did anyone use the terms “Go Go Juice” or “sketti” on a regular basis before Honey Boo Boo came along? No, they were going to waste. Wasted no longer!

All our major holidays: Alana and her family will soon have Christmas, Halloween and Thanksgiving specials, which our families will watch for generations to come. Alana’s face will be as redneck-ognizable as the Easter Bunny…whom she will soon replace.