Gwyneth Paltrow And Cameron Diaz’s Cringe-Worthy Rap Saved By Excellent 50 Cent Burn

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We’ve always loved Cameron Diaz (Has anyone seen the flawlessness that is Charlie’s Angels lately? It’s better than 3 of the four Spider-Man movies, we’d say!) and, uh, at least tolerated Gwyneth Paltrow (she has nice hair!), but our ears almost sealed shut when we started listening to the freestyle rap they busted out on Chelsea Lately last night: “You Chelsea! We heard that you got a brand-new studio/But we know you got on TV by being a ho.” Oh god, we’re dying. We’re passing on into the next life. We thought we had shuffled off this earthly coil when we heard Gwyneth rap on the Graham Norton Show, but we had no idea. We started to drift toward a bright light….

Then Gwyneth and Cameron brought up Handler’s relationship with 50 Cent, upon which we rocketed back to earth on a spaceship made of schadenfreude. “By the way, 50 Cent told us you like it rough,” they conclude, Cameron adding a few spastic thrusts for emphasis. Oh jeez, they went there! For all we know Gwyneth actually knows Fiddy and he did tell her all the gory details Chelsea’s sexual preferences! Everyone knows the second someone makes over $30 million, they are automatically scheduled a coffee date with GPal! Well-played, ladies. Not well-sung or anything, but still. Well-played.