Lindsay Lohan’s The Canyons Is The New The Room (Or So We Deduce From Its 50s-Style Trailer)

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You’re tearing us apart, Lindsay! We’ve never made a movie, let alone a teaser trailer, but the new noir teaser trailer for Lindsay Lohan‘s The Canyons bares a striking resemblance to 2003′s The Room, an erotic thriller directed by Tommy Wiseau and beloved by b-movie fans everywhere. Because it’s so over-the-top terrible. We’re not saying the movies are in any way alike. We’re just saying some of their similarities include:

  1. The dialogue: “No one has a private life anymore, Tara,” James Deen spits. “Hoo boy,” we say out loud at our computer screens.
  2. The actual film: We’re hoping it’s just because the teaser is in black and white, but the Canyons footage itself kind of looks like an episode of Two And A Half Men. Why…why is that?
  3. That one guy’s tank top and that other guy’s backward baseball cap: The costuming looks like they stole several key pieces from the wardrobe department at The Room, aka Tommy Wiseau’s dressing room!
  4. Someone is using a land line: What is this, 2003? The year Tommy Wiseau made The Room?

Honestly, terrible camp might not be a bad route to take when it comes to Lilo’s career. This can be Lindsay’s midnight movie classic, the film she made right before rocking back to the A-list with…um, Lifetime’s Liz & Dick. Okay, so maybe this movie is actually a comedy and we’ll all be pleasantly surprised by how self-aware it is? The “twitter-obsessed” Bret Easton Ellis jib and “never-nominated” credits give us hope. Either way, we’ll all find out soon enough. Thanks a lot. Bye!

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