Last night’s New Girl was a Very Special Episode dedicated to a very important, very magical time in every woman’s life: unemployment. Oh, and getting your period. Jess might have reached her breaking point trying to wrangle PMS and job interviews simultaneously, but at least we got to see her full wardrobe of robes and pajama sets! Honestly though, we’re ready for Jess to wear human clothes again. We’ll wear the sweatpants while Zooey Deschanel wears the Peter Pan collar that gets stuck in the hand dryer, got it?
Jess: “I feel like I laid a million eggs and they’re all hatching. I feel like I want to murder someone and also I want soft pretzels.”
Winston: “You know…I feel the same way.”
Jess: “Shut up!”
Jess: “I was sabotaged by my baby box, which means I will never trust anything that comes out of it, so that rules out having a family.”
Seeing as how Jess spent almost all of last night cursing her womb, it would take a very special bathing suit to coax her into wearing a two-piece and submit to being water massaged by Nick. Luckily her polka dot bikini was the cutest effing thing we’ve ever seen. You know it was vintage! You know it was.
Schmidt: “Look, I’m a depraved freak, and I want to wander into your Narnia of sexual terror and emerge like a freshly birthed calf.”
This was an episode for really, really hot business casual. Jess’s period-red interview skirt suit? Carla Gugino‘s black turtleneck dress (and whip)? We couldn’t blame Schmidt for his pervertedness if we tried.
Schmidt: “Robbie, there is a fine line between sexual harassment and something awesome.”
Jess: “Now if you’ll excuse me gentleman, I’m going to get a job like it’s my…”
Jess: “Shut up!”
We’re pretty sure if you were to wear Carla Gugino’s pumps to work, you would be required to hurl them at some point.