Now that Argo‘s in the can, Ben Affleck is apparently struggling with his hoped-for remake of Steven King‘s The Stand. “Right now we’re having a very hard time,” Affleck told GQ. “But I like the idea — it’s like ‘The Lord of the Rings’ in America. And it’s about how we would reinvent ourselves as a society. If we started all over again, what would we do?” Someone ought to tell Ben that Rob Lowe and Laura San Giacomo already crushed The Stand in the 1994 miniseries, and that he should just move on to some other King properties ripe for the directing. Such as…
- 11/22/63 Okay, so this novel only came out last November, so obviously it will be in theaters by…next week? It’s already in development, but we think Affleck should snag the time traveling novel in which high school teacher Jake Epping attempts to stop the assassination of JFK. Actually, Ben will totally make this movie, because then he can cast himself in it. Count it!
- The Regulators A bizarre tale about an ancient evil that controls our dimension through an autistic tike name Seth, The Regulators was written under Stephen King’s pseudonym Richard Bachman. No particular reason Affleck himself should direct it, but it scared the cream cheese out of us as kids and want to see it on the big screen!
- Eyes Of The Dragon: Affleck wants his Lord of the Rings? We got his Lord of the Rings. Ben should ride the coattails of Games of Thrones and develop this medieval tale that pits a malevolent wizard named Flagg against a brave prince named Peter. (Then a bunch of other crazy stuff happens; this is a Stephen King novel after all.) Eyes of the Dragon is technically in production for a Syfy movie so…better get on it Ben!
- Rose Madder Making this 1995 Stephen King novel into a movie would not only give Affleck the chance to direct a female protagonist, but will also be the first time he directed movie where someone had to rescue a baby “from an underground labyrinth inhabited by a one-eyed bull called Erinyes.” Let’s do this Ben!
- The Long Walk Basically destined to be the next Hunger Games, The Long Walk follows one hundred teenage boys as they are forced by the government to walk until they collapse for the nation’s viewing pleasure. Not quit as active as a round in the Arena, but hey, better than yet another Shining right? Right.
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