American Horror Story: Asylum: A Christmas List Of 10 Best Quotes From “Unholy Nights”

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It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Well, not so much at Briarcliff, but Dr. Arden, Sister Mary Eunice and Sister Jude bring their own twisted holiday cheer to the asylum this year. Instead of a jolly ole St. Nick distributing gifts to the patients, a fabulous Ian McShane portrays a deranged bad Santa named Mr. Lee Emerson, who makes Billy Bob Thorton look like your sweet Aunt Mildred. A flashback shows Emerson, dressed as Santa, slithering from house to house killing families on Christmas Eve. Now at Briarcliff, the serial killer finds his other half in Sister Mary Eunice to create the darkest duo of all. McShane is certainly our favorite part of the episode as the larger than life killer, and he relishes every facet of his evil role. Really it’s all we wanted for Christmas. As Mr. Emerson says himself, “It’s all about the list,” so we broke down a list of some of the most memorable quotes of the evening. Happy holidays!

1. “You know the difference between that Santa Clause and me? He only comes once a year.” — A sexually charged Mr. Emerson to his victims

2. “But then you got out and you found this suit, and it gave you everything you were missing. You had the power, Lee. You can have it again. Who do you want to be? The victim? Or the victor?” – Sister Mary Eunice shows Mr. Emerson a Santa suit, and gives him the opportunity to join her in her bloodthirsty plans. Who knew a Santa suit could imbue so much power?

3. “Do you celebrate Christmas in your Nazi household?” –– Sister Mary to Dr. Arden. Those guys really try to keep things sacred, don’t they?

4. “I so dearly hoped you’d throw them back in my face. That you couldn’t bring yourself to touch those sh—stained earrings. I was hoping there’d be a glimmer of horror. A glimmer of that precious girl. Who was too afraid to take a bite of my candied apple.” — Dr. Arden to Sister Mary Eunice on her satanic transformation

5. “You’re either with me, or you’re against me. And if you’re against me, even God can’t help you.” –– Sister Mary Eunice to Dr. Arden

6. “God had a plan for me all along –– to be a soldier in His army. But we’re losing that war. Did you know the National Broadcasting Company is showing Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? This very week. Nothing about Christ. Nothing about the nativity story. This country has turned toward unadulterated blasphemy. It frightens me. It worries me deeply.” –– Sister Jude on the growing secularized society. This definitely just sounds like Ryan Murphy‘s wink at his own parent company’s War on Christmas.

7. “I can’t be babysitting a deranged nun all day long.” –– Dr. Arden on Sister Mary Eunice

8. “Even your tree shows imagination and resourcefulness, filled with the daily icons of their lives.” –– Monsignor Timothy Howard on Sister Mary’s tree. Ahh, nothing like adorning a Christmas tree with dentures, syringes and locks of hair. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!

9. “Are we having fun yet? You’ve softened up enough to receive the light? Except it won’t be God, and actually, it won’t be light.” –– Dr. Emerson’s double entendres to Sister Jude

10. “One day, I’ll bury you.” –– Lana Winters seeking vengeance on Dr. Thredson

[Photos: FX]