Between the amazing sequined belt on that excellent white party dress, Schmidt’s lap dance skills and Zooey D breaking it down carol-style, tonight’s ep of New Girl was the best White Anglo-Saxon Winter Privilege Night gift a person could ask for! While we’re sort of peeved they never made it to the Gorilla Twin’s annual thump-thump (is that like a kiki for bros, maybe?), we’re glad we got to spent the night riding along with the gang, like a little cranberry trapped inside Winston’s ear canal:
CeCe: “It was a bracelet. Tungsten Carbide. Because you said it was the most baller metal.”
Schmidt: “That’s what Stathem wears in all the Transporter movies!”
Ugh, both Schmidt and CeCe looked like beautiful presents tonight. Why are they not back together and making it in elf costumes? Is that too much to ask for?
Sam (to Winston): “I would trade places with you in a heartbeat…except for the mustache.”
Speaking of which, “Santa” definitely proved Cranberry-Stuck-In-His-Ear Winston is the cutest Winston ‘stache or no. Though personally…we’re kind of into it.
Jess: “Let’s try to hit all the parties we can. Otherwise I’m just going to stay home and try not to call Sam.”
Winston: “What did you say?”
Jess: “I’m going to die alone, and Merry Christmas!”
Jess (slamming into multiple floor-to-ceiling windows): “I feel like a bird! Are none of these doors?”
No wonder Sam wanted to get back together with Jess! That winter-white dress was so flawless. You know what? We’re only going to wear white the rest of December. Maybe drive an ivory sleigh pulled by polar bears. We’ll see what we have to work with after we’re finished holiday shopping.
Jess: “Someone tells me a fat man’s bringing me dolls every year, I just don’t question it.”
Dat. Coat. It was like Zooey Deschanel in coat form. Zooey Descha-coat. Coat-y Deschanel.
Nick: “What happens in the sleigh is…I’ll be your reindeer…and take your toys up in the sky. Sexiness. (mouths silently) Why am I talking?”
See the guy in the left corner? We had the same reaction…when we saw his outfit. Better hope Black Santa brings you something a little less hideous this Christmas, Extra #5!