The holidays are a time to celebrate goodwill for all human kind. And that’s cool and all, but that stuff gets sort of old after a while. So now let’s take a minute and take a look at all famous folks who didn’t get the peace and harmony memo! We’ve assembled our list of the top 20 most brutal celebrity beat-downs of 2012. Join us in a chant of “Fight fight fight!” and check it out!
20. Rita Ora vs. Rob Kardashian: Rita Whora’s Revenge
Rob Kardashian didn’t handle his heartbreak all that great following his split with Rita Ora. Instead of posting passive aggressive Facebook statuses like the rest of us, he went on an all-out Twitter assault against his former flame, claiming that she cheated on him with 20 dudes, and coining the obvious pun, “Rita Whora,” which became a trending topic soon after. #Revenge? #SmallVictories
Stitches required: Just 1 for Rob’s broken heart.
19. Taryn Manning vs. Makeup Artist: Mascara Massacre
The 8 Mile actress was accused of punching and kicking her stylist while staying atthe Dream Downtown Hotel in New York City. The weird part is that Lindsay Lohan was accused of a hit and run just a few weeks before at the very same hotel!
Stitches required: 3
18. Michael Lohan vs. Rosie O’Donnell: No One Puts Lilo In A Corner!
It’s about to get loud! Michael Lohan fired back at Rosie O’Donnell’s not-so-happy reactions to daughter Lindsay getting cast as Elizabeth Taylor. “I don’t think she’s right for the role and I don’t think she’s capable at this point to portray that character,” she said, before adding that the last good film she made was when she was 16. “Who the hell is Rosie O’Donnell to judge anyone, especially Lindsay, who has far more talent than Rosie ever had?,” Mike shot back. Well, we saw Liz & Dick, and it turns out Rosie is a pretty good judge…
Stitches required: 5 (1 for Rosie, 1 for Michael, and 3 for us for when we punched our TV during Liz & Dick)
17. The Wanted vs. One Direction: British Boy Band Beef
The rival gangs of heart throbs got into a war of words in March when The Wanted’s Max George referred to One Direction as “A bunch of faces” and “children’s magazine based.”
Stitches required: 7
16. LL Cool J vs. Burglar: Break-In Breakdown
The rapper turned actor proved he was just as badass as his NCIS: Los Angeles counterpart when he beat the crap out of a burglar trying to break into his house!
Stitches required: 12
15. Alec Baldwin vs. Paparazzi: Shutter-Bug Shutdown
The notoriously quick-tempered Alec Baldwin laid the smack-down on a photographer this summer, making a grab for his camera and rattling off obscenities like “I want you to shut the f—k up and get out of here,” “You little girl,” and the immortal “I know you got raped by a priest or something.” The best part? Just two weeks earlier he decked a paparazzo while picking up his marriage license.
Stitches required: 16, plus years of psychotherapy
14. Ann Curry vs. Matt Lauer: Anchors Away!
Ann Curry was given the sack from The Today Show amid much controversy this summer, allegedly at the behest of co-anchor Matt Lauer.
Stitches required: 19
13. Lindsay Lohan vs. The Psychic: Should Have Seen That One Coming
Lindsay Lohan racked up her impressive 6th mug shot earlier this month for striking a 28-year old psychic in the face at the New York nightclub Avenue. Later that day she was also charged for a car crash that took place back June, making her a bi-coastal felon.
Stitches required: 27
12. Jay-Z vs. Robert De Niro: Titans Of Tribeca Tear It Up
Things got awkward at Leonard DiCaprio’s birthday party when the acting legend scolded Hova for being rude and not returning his calls!
Stitches required: 40/40
11. Snooki vs. Tan Mom: Orange You Glad You Didn’t Get Melanoma?
Yes, the two most orangey people in the known universe got into a tiff, and amazingly it had nothing to do with Oompa Loompas. The pair got into a war of words when Snooki called Patricia Krentcil out during an appearance on Extra for allegedly taking her young daughter tanning. “That b—h is crazy, you are not supposed to take kids there. Everyone knows you are NOT supposed to take kids there,” she railed. “She’s the biggest a–hole in the world,” the Tan Mom fired back. “She’s fake, she’s fat, her t–s are fake, she’s disgusting.”
Stitches required: 53
10. Angus T. Jones vs. Two And A Half Men: The Spawn Of The Sheen
Can’t this show go a full season without a cast mutiny!? After finally righting itself in the wake of Charlie Sheen-Gate 2k11, the show’s titular “half man” Angus T. Jones went on a religiously motivated rant against his show, urging people not to watch. We got ya covered, Angus! We’ve been not watching for years.
Stitches required: 61 and a half
9. Paris Jackson vs. Every Jackson Ever: Jackson Family Battle Royale
We’ll be honest: We never really got this whole controversy over who gets conservator rights for the children of Michael Jackson. We really tried to break it down for you, but it just made our heads spin. But there were a hell of a lot of Jacksons involved, so it deserves to be included!
Stitches required: 72 (there are seriously a ton of Jacksons, you guys)
8. Kim Kardashian vs. PETA: Flour Bomb Fatality
There she was, minding her own business and strolling down the red carpet, when all of a sudden Kim Kardashian became the victim of a vicious flour-bomb attack! It was the work of an animal rights activist with close ties to People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, who disagreed with Kim’s fondness for leather and other animal products.
Stitches required: 79
7. Brandi Glanville vs. Leann Rimes: Home Wrecker Warfare
The feud between these two lovely ladies has been brewing for a few years now, ever since Leann Rimes woo’ed away Brandi’s husband Eddie Cibrian. But this is the year that the death threats and restraining order talk started to fly.
Stitches required: 86
6. Kris Humphries vs. Boston Celtic Rajon Rondo: Basketbrawl!
Kris Humphries cannot get a break. After a full year of being a tabloid joke at the hands of the Kardashians, the Nets player got into an on-court clash with Celtics player Rajon Rondo. After being thrown out of the game, he tweeted a picture of his injuries with the caption, “Anyone know where I can get a quick Tetanus shot in Boston?” Sad trombone, you guys.
Stitches required: 92 (plus tetanus shot)
5. Chevy Chase vs. Dan Harmon: Community Confrontation
Chevy Chase won the heavyweight title for Best Workplace Ranter when he went head-to-head with Community creator Dan Harmon. Leaked voice mails reveal that the comedy legend called Harmon a “fat f—,” “sh– stinko” and “a g–damn bad writer.” But bear in mind, this came after Dan threw a “F— Chevy” with the cast and crew. We’re not sure who won, but we do know that Chase will not be returning to the series.
Stitches required: 101
4. Chris Brown vs. Jenny Johnson: The Comedian Who Took Down Breezy’s Twitter
Lost of people post not-so-nice things to Chris Brown’s Twitter, but Jenny Johnson was the straw that broke the singer’s back, as the two faced off with increasingly vulgar and offensive tweets until finally Brown deleted his account all together. Some call it a David and Goliath story, others call it a case of mutual cyber bulling. We call it nuts.
Stitches required: 152
3. Nicki Minaj vs. Mariah Carey: American Idol Insanity
Things were already frosty between the two divas, because Mariah was reportedly unhappy that the producers hired the much-younger Nicki. But then thing came to a head during a pre-show audition in early October and Nicki threatened to knock Mimi out!
Stitches required: 183
2. Chris Brown vs. Drake: Bottle-Throwin’ Beatdown In Club Basement
Breezy’s back! Chris Brown ended up with a nasty chin gash after Drake rejected his champagne peace offering with a note that read “I’m still f—ing Rihanna.” Bottles were thrown around, and so were lawsuits.
Stitches required: 211
1. The Halle Berry Love Triangle: Gabriel Aubry and Olivier Martinez’s Thanksgiving Throw-Down
We get that families fight at Thanksgiving, but this rumble that happened during the custody hand-off for Halle and Gabriel’s daughter Nahla is just ridiculous.
Stitches required: 316
[Photos: Getty Images/Splash News Online]