It’s been quite a year for Justin Bieber. Oh, we don’t mean his musical career or relationship with Selena Gomez. We’re referring to all the truly weird scandals he has somehow gotten himself embroiled in. For example, now the hamster community hates the Biebs for giving his pet Pac away to a fan. “The moment that hamster was handed off to a screaming girl in a harsh, frenzied environment was likely the moment it gazed at the short path to its doom,” claimed the California Hamster Association, who honestly sound like the most amazing pack of divas we could ever hope to meet. It’s not like the fan immediately ate the hamster or anything. To our knowledge. It seems fitting that Justin finishes out the year with a new odd scandal after the parade of weirdness that has plagued him for the last twelve months…
1) His Nearly Stolen Lap Top: Hey, remember when Justin Bieber’s lap top got stolen? And then it turned out to be a viral campaign for his “Beauty And A Beat” video with Nicki Minaj? Except Justin’s people still insisted his lap top had actually been stolen? We’re still sort of peeved about that.
2) Mariah Yeater And The Immaculate Conception: The rumor actually started in 2011, but it took months upon months for the Biebs to shake rumors that he had impregnated fan Mariah Yeater. The fact Justin wrote a song about her fake pregnancy probably didn’t help things. The paternity test he took probably did.
3) Leaked Dad Nudes: We came thisclose to seeing “Playgirl-type” full-frontal nude photos of Jeremy Bieber, a.k.a. Justin’s dad, splashed all over the internet. Hey, it’s only the 20th! We have plenty of time!
4) Diagnosis: Aluminum Gondola: A fan claimed she was deafened by the roar of Justin’s fans reflected off the “aluminum gondola” which carries him over the crowd in concert. The $9 million lawsuit was later thrown out, probably because Justin rode his aluminum gondola into the court room and everyone cheered without destroying anyone’s ear drums. Probably.
5) The One About The Penis Pump: In what is by far our favorite bizarro Bieber scandal of 2012, the “As Long As You Love Me” singer was accused of stealing someone’s credit card number to buy a penis pump. Summon the aluminum gondola! The Biebs will have his revenge yet!
[Photo: Getty Images/ Splash News Online]