We should have known it was too good to be true. Only Celebrity Gossip Santa himself could have given us a gift as wonderful as Kevin Federline‘s older brother claiming to be the father of Britney Spears‘ eldest son. Us Weekly reported earlier today that Christopher Federline had filed a restraining order against Spears’ on December 18, claiming she had stolen his credit card and made some purchases. In his court papers, he casually mentions the fact that he is the father of Sean Preston. The Smoking Gun now reveals that the court papers were seemingly filed by convicted felon Jonathan Lee Riches. How could we be so gullible? The details of the story alone should have tipped us off that it was fake:
- First and craziest of all, “Christopher Federline” accused Britney of having “allegedly used his credit card to buy $4,569.02 worth of Archie and Betty Boop comics.” Do people still remember that Betty Boop exists? Does Betty Boop still exists? Do we even still exist? Reality is starting to come apart at the seams!
- When Federline confronted Britney about the charges, she allegedly “told me I have a small penis.”: Okay, well, that’s just funny.
- After Britney was finished laughing at his genitals, the fake Christopher claimed Spears “blackmailed me and told me if I tell the police that she stole my credit card that she will tell the world I’m the true father of Sean Preston, not Kevin.”: Why…why would Britney tell the world that? Wouldn’t it only make her look bad? No worse than if she had actually bought $4,000 worth of Betty Boop comics, but still…
- Faux Christopher writes, “I do confess I slept with Britney, and I am the true father, but the public does not need to know.”: And yet you announced that fact in court papers about a stolen credit card. Yeah, no wonder the court dismissed the case two days later. If only we had been as wise!
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