How To Pee During The Red Carpet: 15 Answers To Questions You’ve Always Wondered About The Oscars

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9. Where Do You Stand On The Red Carpet?

Space is obviously tight at an event like this, and it required some serious musical chairs to get a spot for little old me. Three-tiered bleachers line the edge of the carpet, with “TV personalities” in the front row, producers and tech crew one step up, and camera men with the good birds’ eye view on top. I had a small 2×3 rectangle marked off for me, and let me tell you; You become VERY territorial over that 2×3 space. A stray cord or misplaced water bottle takes on the seriousness of an invasion.

Looking around at some of the other larger media outlets, I began to feel trickles of “spot envy” creeping in. But then Extra correspondentĀ Mario Lopez took the spot next to me, so I realized it couldn’t have been too bad. What’s good enough for Slater is good enough for me. I would have wished for Maria Menounos, but this isn’t a perfect world.

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10. What Do You Do If You Don’t Know Who A Celebrity Is?

2:30. Show time! The press and crews are poised and ready for action, and bodies start streaming down the red carpet. It’s very exciting, right!? Ehhh, not so much. In the same way that it’s kinda lame to show up at a party right when it starts, most of the big names are waiting to make their big entrance. So for the first hour, you’re stuck with folks like second producer of the best foreign animated short. What do you do when you”re fishing for interviews and you’re face to face with a “celebrity” who you’ve never seen before in your life? Well thankfully their publicists march out in front of them, holding pieces of paper bearing their names and what they’ve done to get them to the Oscars. Yeah, it’s gotta be a little embarrassing, but much less embarrassing than a potential interviewee catching you Wikipedia-ing them on your phone.

Soon enough the big guns start trickling in. They take a minute to get down to my part of the carpet, but you know they’re coming because of the crowd’s screams.

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