How To Pee During The Red Carpet: 15 Answers To Questions You’ve Always Wondered About The Oscars

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11. How Loud Does It Get On The Red Carpet?

Think of a basketball game after the final buzzer. Or a baseball game after a home run. Or the Super Bowl when it’s all over and the Quaterback is saying he wants to go to Disney World. Yeah, it’s that loud. A feeling of frenzy is starting to take over. I’m so excited that I could wet my pants! But then a thought hit me. One that had never cropped up during my wild Oscar fantasies…

12. What Do You Do If You Have To Pee On The Red Carpet?

Despite only being February, it was pretty hot on the day of the Oscars. I had downed quite a few water bottles in order to stave off the ultimate humiliation: Fainting on the red carpet. But that brought with it it’s own issues, and now I really had to go to the bathroom. What was I going to do!? Cameras to the left of me, Mario Lopez to my right, red carpet dead ahead? I was trapped! For a while I tried to just suck it up and deal with it, but realizing that holding my knees together in pain would severely compromise my reporting skills, I flagged down a security guy. He lead me down a small path behind the bleachers, and down an alleyway with portapotties. No, not glittering Hollywood portapotties, but just regular ones.

13. Which Celebrities Looked Way Better In Person?

Pretty soon things got into full swing. Something I hadn’t realized was how constant the flow of people was going to be. This wasn’t just couples going one by one like a damn square dance. This is a mad dash filled with the entertainment elite! The carpet was so full that it takes a minute to realize that Steven Spielberg, Ang Lee, and Tom Hooper are ALL standing directly in front of you. There’s just too much going on. But that being said, a few faces stood out as being strikingly gorgeous in person.

Clooney, Kiebler, Kidman, Urban, Bullock, Affleck. Too much, does not compute.

Clooney, Keibler, Kidman, Urban, Bullock, Affleck. Too much, does not compute.

Jessica Chastain┬áis pure old school Hollywood glamour, and she got mucho bonus points for hugging pretty much every reporter she spoke to, even if they had just met. Maybe it’s an old trick, but it worked on me. Plus her gorgeous hair bounced around like a dang Herbal Essences commercial.

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It’s no surprise that Jennifer Lawrence can really turn it on for the red carpet. Never has someone so attractive been so approachable. AND she won an Oscar a few hours later! Why must you have it all, J-Law?

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And of course Harvey Weinstein looks good in anything.

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