Hail Schweddy Balls! Celebrate Alec Baldwin’s Birthday With The 15 Greatest Lines Of His Career

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7. On Sex: As Old Man Dunphy In Outside Providence (1999)

“Remember I said that,” the old dude concludes as he gives us a pearl on the true meaning of sex. We’ll have a hard time forgetting.

6. On Sex (Part 2): As Frank “The Cucumber” de Marco In Married To The Mob (1988)

This whole scene is just made of “No”. So much no.

5. On Loyalty: As Shelly Shelly Kaplow In The Cooler (2003)

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“Now listen to me, you little Harvard turd. Lootz is all right, so he’s walking out of here with everything he’s got coming to him. If you so much as touch one fucking hair on his fucking head, I’m gonna fucking wallpaper this fucking bathroom with your fucking ass, do you understand me? Muted tones, isn’t that what you said, huh? Huh? I can’t hear you. Wait, wait a minute. There it is. Blended in, at a subsonic level, like some kind of mantra: “Pain, pain, pain.”

Baldwin gives (in our opinion) one of the best performances of her career in this underrated Vegas flick, where he plays an old school casino-owner being pushed out by the new breed of hotshots. The scene where he defends his old friend Bernie Lootz (likely at the expense of his job, if not his life) is a definite highlight.