Pretty Little Liars: “A Is For A-L-I-V-E” As Seen By Someone Who’s Never Seen The Show

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The girls leave the trailer when they hear prettier, littler liars outside saying names like Alison and Aria. The little girls playing in the trailer park look like creepy dopplegangers of the older girls and have American Girl dolls from Hell that are named for each of the five girls. One little girl tells them that their new friend Alison gave them to them. Creepy.

Ashley Benson (whom I have now surmised is named Hannah) is talking to someone on the phone whom Emily thinks is someone named Caleb. Alas, the person was not a dude. It was creepy Mona. Hannah is going to help Mona get rid of the trailer lair of bodiless dolls, which Emily is worried about because Emily thinks Mona is playing them. Mona is compared to Hannibal Lecter and now I wish I was watching Will Graham sweating in his underpants on Hannibal. Hannah explains that if there’s one thing she learned from her mother it’s to keep her friends close and her enemies closer, which I’m guessing means her mother was emotionally distant.

A mother figure comes in and is sad about Wharton College (or Wheldon??? What the Hell kind of nameā€¦) being dead. There’s some sort of gossip that worries the girls. Mother figure leaves. Hannah says Alison pulled them out of the fire.

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