Pretty Little Liars: “A Is For A-L-I-V-E” As Seen By Someone Who’s Never Seen The Show

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Aria (Lucy Hale) is acting awkward city with this older hot guy, so I assume they’ve slept together and he’s probably a teacher. He has a new job. She wants to see him again (AKA MAKE OUT WITH HIS FACE). He has a family and wants her to move on, but she’s not ready because of HIS FACE.

Spencer and Arson Eyebrows (I don’t care that he’s Toby. He’s Arson Eyebrows.) are talking about Wheldon College’s death. He was a detective and there’s no alibi for them. Spencer and Arson are dating evidently and Arson is good at breakfast. A is texting mean things to Arson, but Arson doesn’t want Spencer to know.

There’s some mopey Gossip Girl style conversation between Aria and Emily I don’t care about. (Wait, is Wharton College’s name Willdon???) Then, Creepy Mona and Hannah have a conversation with more Sapphic undertones about shopping at Macy’s.

Aria is then called to the Vice Principal’s office where she is shown that he has photos of her sleeping with the hot teacher. The teacher is getting arrested for being too hot. Tears, my friends. Oh the tears.

Oh wait! It was a nightmare sequence. The Vice Principal just wanted to give Aria papers for her mom to sign. Still, the nightmare sequence was a nightmare, and to spare hot teacher, Aria texts him that she does want to see other people.

The moral is if you love something, let it go before it can be arrested for statutory rape.