Pretty Little Liars: “Gamma Zeta Die!” Or Hanna Is The Dumbest

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“OMG Dad. Did you steal this? Is dis the next insane plotline?”

Hanna calls Aria first thing in the morning and asks her if she thinks fathers who are no longer romantically involved with mothers are likely to help said mothers when said mothers are accused of stealing fathers’ guns. Basically, Hanna is worried her dad won’t lie on the stand to protect her mom from getting shorn hair.

Emily is packing for her “college visit” to Cicero, when her dad gives her a wad of cash so she can buy a purse or something, even though they can’t afford it.

Aria asks her dad to convince her mom to go to Vienna for sexy times and he’s like, “That’s insane. Bye.” Aria’s chin wobbles and her eyes tear up and her dad smiles like, “That’s so sweet. Maybe I’ll tell my ex-wife to sleep with another man for you, bb. You look like a puppy.”

Spencer Tracy and Emily go to Cicero College. Spencer is on the hunt for clues and Emily is actually interested in scholarships because Emily doesn’t have a rich family or snobbish attitude about higher learning. Ivy League pimp is clearly crushing on Emily, which will be sad for him when he discovers she’s in a relationship with a woman. Or maybe he’ll be psyched that she can use the lesbian minority angle in her applications.