Scandal Burn List: 7 Snappiest Quotes From “It’s Handled”

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People are unhappy with each other in D.C. Also in the fictional D.C. Though we suspect real-life D.C. wishes they had a nice sex scandal on their hands right now instead of a shutdown. At least on Scandal, everyone is equipped with precisely calculated zingers, courtesy of Shonda Rhimes and company, to help them talk through the pain. And ouch, no one was safe during last night’s season three premiere. Here are our favorite quotes, and the people burned by them:

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“First Lady. Do you have to be so mediocre?” That was Olivia’s dad Rowan, criticizing his daughter for not aiming to be secretary of state. Burned: Mellie Grant, Olivia Pope, Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama…

“The White House will destroy you.” “That’s what mom used to tell me about you.” Olivia and her dad have got some issues we can’t wait to see played out. We’re getting the best Alias Jack-and-Sydney flashbacks here. Burned: Rowan Pope, if that’s his real name.