The SAG Awards may sometimes get lumped in with a bunch of other awards shows, but the event is in a class all its own when it comes to actors either making speeches about their craft or making fun of people who make speeches about their craft. Guess which people we like best? We gathered the funniest bits here, in case you decided to watch Flowers in the Attic — or you know, go see an actual movie — instead.
Here are our favorite highlights (you can flip through them in the gallery too), in chronological order:
1. “Have you looked into her eyes? I mean, they’re absolutely insane,” Jared Leto told E!’s Giuliana Rancic on the red carpet, as he held onto Game of Thrones‘ Emilia Clarke, whom he just met that second. We may have witnessed the birth of a beautiful eyes supercouple.
2. Our love for Lupita Nyong’o's fangirling continues (as does our crush on her and her fashion). As she accepted the award for Supporting Female Actor, she recalled how she told her dad she got the role in 12 Years a Slave: “Daddy, do you know Brad Pitt? I’m going to be in a movie with him.” His response: “I don’t know him personally but I’m glad you got a job.”
3. “I’d like to begin by thanking the members of the Hollywood Foreign Press for this glorious Golden Globe,” Julia Louis-Dreyfus began her acceptance speech for Female Actor in a Comedy Series. Echoing what she did with Tony Hale at the Emmys, she continued basically in character with Veep co-star Matt Walsh who was apparently supposed to give her a speech for the SAGs but brought a sandwich in his pocket instead.
4. We may be tired of Modern Family winning everything, but we’re not tired of seeing how much they love each other. Or of seeing Julie Bowen joke about Sofia Vergara’s boobs, which she did by whispering to Sofia to thank them during their acceptance speech.
5. Emma Thompson continued to win awards season without winning any awards. She came to the show in flats, after her Globes shoes made her bleed (as she showed us all while presenting an award last week). And then, while presenting an award with Ewan McGregor tonight, she paused to ask sarcastically of the interstitial orchestral tune: “Is this music available on CD at all? It’s so good.”
6. Michael Douglas continued his Emmy speech too, thanking his Behind the Candelabra co-star with more dirty double entendres. “Matt, I want to be serious right now. I know we’ve gone head to head… but the truth is, and you know it, I am not here without Matt Damon.”
7. Rita Moreno, adorably inappropriate flirt at age 81. The Lifetime Achievement Award winner was flashing some major cleavage onstage as she made the same joke twice: “Hi, Jeremy Renner. No that’s not what I meant to say. … “Hi, Brad. No that’s not what I meant to say.” That was after re-creating an Electric Company bit with Morgan Freeman and between random bursts of song.
8. Breaking Bad‘s Bryan Cranston sang out, “I won a SAAAAG AWARRD!” and we’re not sure if he was echoing Rita Moreno there. But after his humble acceptance speech for the individual award, he did manage to quip for the ensemble acceptance speech, “We have the nicest bunch of white supremacist Nazis I’ve ever worked with. I swear to you I would kill you all over again.”
9. Matthew McConaughey went to Neptune. Well, his speech was all about finding a “magical place” where actors become their characters so fully they see everything through their eyes and could go to Neptune and still be able to play them or something.He seemed to realize he’d gone too far, though, so he ended with, “Just keep livin’.”
10. Cate Blanchett REALLY likes her Actor. Which was the best part? When Cate got mad at the TelePrompTer for telling her to wrap up her speech — “29 seconds! Matthew McConaughey spoke about Neptune!”? When suggestively she stroked her statuette without realizing it? When she told her fellow actors, “For those who voted for me, thank you. For those who didn’t better luck next year”? When she told Blue Jasmine co-star Sally Hawkins, ”This is half yours, the penis part”? Cate gives good speech.