Posts By AlexBlagg

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ICYMI: Toby Keith For Obama?

Flying high on the momentum of this week’s Democratic National Convention in Denver, everyone finally seems to be coming around to Barack Obama, even noted country & westard Toby Keith, who has arrived at the realization that, despite being black, Obama is “one of the good ones”. It’s probably good that this is a joke and would never actually happen on account of Keith being a racist, because it would just be too weird if it did. Anyways, Beer For My Horses, you guys.

(via Gorillamask)

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While You Were Unable To Resist Making The Speech All About You

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  • You know what’s worse than your mom talking about having sex with your dad? You mom talking about the time your dad died while having sex with her. In a book. Poor Matthew McConaughey.
  • Michael Phelps is being paid 1.6 million dollars to write a book as soon as he learns how to write.
  • Lindsay Lohan’s special lady friend Samantha Ronson is also planning to write a book of her own. Not really sure what it could possibly be about, but I think it should be called I Am Lesbian.
  • Even Michael Phelps’ mom got an endorsement deal, with mom-clothing retailer Chico’s. She may also show up on the front of a FiberOne cereal box.
  • Uh-oh, Nicollette Sheridan realized that she’s dating Michael Bolton again.

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I LIKE TO WATCH: Serial Killers and Period Pieces

Due to some technical difficulties, we were unable to bring you last week’s installment of our pal Michael Cyril Creighton’s weekly review of your home entertainment options I Like To Watch, but better late than never, Micheal his back with the scoop on Prom Night, Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day and the second season of Dexter. It’s the perfect triple feature!

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CAPTION THIS: The Family That Spies Together Stays Together

You guys, the Bristow family is reunited. Hopefully it’s for the happy news of Jennifer Garner’s second pregnancy with Ben Affleck as opposed to some kind of nefarious new plot by Sloane and Sark to use some newly-discovered Rimbaldi artifacts to conquer the planet (with boredom – seriously, there is nothing on the Internet today).

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(via BuzzFoto)

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Gossip Girl Season 1 Alternate Ending (The One Where Serena Stabs All Those People)

Remember the lame plot point at the end of last season on Gossip Girl where Serena was losing her sh*t and being all “oh noes, will Dan ever love me again!?!” because she supposedly “killed a guy” when in actuality some junkie who tried to date rape her just did too much coke and OD’d? Well our friend Heather Fink created an alternate – and infinitely more satisfying – ending, which is what really should have gone down if the show wasn’t a cartoon of a soap opera and had the balls to be a bit more stabby. Also, look for a cameo from our own Brian Faas!

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While You Were Flipping Back And Forth Between The Hills and Falling In Love With The Future First Lady

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  • Jennifer Hudson will be singing the National Anthem on Thursday prior to Barack Obama’s address to the Democratic National Convention in Denver. No word yet on whether she’ll do a few numbers from Dreamgirls with Barack singing the Eddie Murphy parts.
  • Meanwhile, raggaeton star Daddy Yankee has finally ended the suspense and given his crucial presidential endorsement to old Johnny McCain.
  • Britney Spears apparently isn’t planning to try a do-over for last year’s disastrous performance at the MTV Video Music Awards, but she will be appearing in some capacity. It’s good to start slow, try just getting out a smile or a few nice words without calamity, then build from there.
  • Justin Long and Kirsten Dunst are apparently seeing each other. Doesn’t Hollywood just seem like a giant game of Spin The Bottle sometimes?
  • Amy Poehler is curating a celebrity mix tape for Merge Records. We can finally find out how she really feels about us!

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AD WIZARDS: The AXE Detailer Shower Tool Is The Totally Badass Way To Get Your Body Clean

axetool200.JPGSo you’re using the Axe Body Spray, and the Axe Shower Gel, and the Axe Deodorant, and the Axe Aftershave, and the Axe Facial Scrub, and the Axe Hair Mousse, and your body perpetually smells like a giant nuclear factory that makes musk – but you’re still somehow not getting laid. You smell like a West Indian rain forest filled with mint and citrus trees, and you’re exuding enough pheromones to impregnate a barren menopausal nun, and – impossibly – girls still don’t want to do it with you. You’re the complete package, so what could you possibly be doing wrong? What’s missing? Perhaps I could direct your attention to the Axe Detailer Shower Tool, the latest item on Axe’s line of poontang-attracting personal grooming products that is guaranteed to make you more desirable to the ladies.

Now, before we go any further, I know what some of you might be thinking: “But Alex, that’s just a loofah. I’ve seen these before. Bill O’Reilly uses them as sex toys and all the chicks I nail have them in their showers.” Which is where I would inform you that, actually, this is a Shower Tool, not a loofah. There’s a difference. Men use tools. Women use things with candy-ass names that you’ve never heard before. Also, perhaps you didn’t notice the badass ninja-star-looking things on the side of the shower tool? Do you think anybody other than a man would be capable of scrubbing their bodies with an object that appears to have plastic sawblades on its sides? Of course not. If you’re truly committed to getting laid by making yourself the cleanest, nicest smelling douchebag in the world, then you’ll stop what your doing right now and get yourself an Axe Detailer Shower Tool, tool.