Posts By AlexBlagg

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CAPTION THIS: Living Lohan

Leather tights, liberal application of self-tanner, hanging out with noted lesbians: Paris Hilton is a paternal restraining order away from actually becoming Lindsay Lohan. Does Paris have an original bone in her body? Wait, don’t answer that.

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(via BuzzFoto)

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ED NOTE: It’s My Last Week Ever!

alexgoodbye1.jpgThis morning I bring you the bittersweet news that this will be my last week here at BWE.tv. I’ve taken a job with BermanBraun, a production company in Los Angeles, where I will be overseeing the editorial content for a new pop culture site on MSN. Translation: after almost three years of throwing rocks at the rich and famous from my hovel here at Vh1, I’ve finally gotten old enough to realize that I can’t beat them, so I might as well move to LA myself and try to get in on some of that sweet Hollywood action. A man can only watch Perez Hilton stuff his pink glittery pockets with bajillions of dollars for so long before he gets to thinking, you know? But fear not, for even without the soulless shell of a human being where the BWE.tv Managing Editor used to be, this pop culture juggernaut will sail right along mightily under the capable and talented stewardship of Michelle, Dan and Sara – all of whom I’ve been lucky to work with and will probably be better off without me. I’m also gonna miss you guys when I’m gone, but I’ve still got a few days left, so chin up! Let’s make my last week the Best Week Ever (I know we say that every week, but for serious, I mean it this time).

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CAPTION THIS: Bruno Steel

Sacha Baron Cohen as Bruno, catwalking his ass off at a fashion show he crashed in Milan as part of his upcoming film. Incidentally, I also own that outfit.

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(via BuzzFeed)

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News From The Future: McCain Wins Debate!

McCain_Wins_Debate-1.JPGThe ad to your right appeared today on a Wall Street Journal website. You may not have known this, but the injuries John McCain sustained in ‘Nam while being Tortured For America left him with a curious side-effect: the ability to jump back and forth in time, like a much older version of that guy from Quantum Leap. That’s really the only way I can explain his campaign paying to run ads declaring victory in a debate that hasn’t even occurred yet. In fact, it wasn’t clear until only a few minutes ago whether or not there would even BE a debate tonight, but apparently John McCain has seen the future and is here to tell us that there will be, and that he wins it. Actually, the only reason he suspended his campaign earlier this week is because he’d already been to the future, realized he would win the debate, and thus felt like the only way he could give Obama a sporting chance would be to try to change fate and cancel the debate altogether. He’s such a maverick. A time-traveling maverick. One thing, though – while you’re gandering into the future in your time-traveling Straight-Talk-Express Delorean, Mr. McCain, would you might giving us a head’s up on whether or not the entire global economy crumbles on itself and soon renders the whole planet into a scorched, post-apocalyptic wasteland where humanity has broken into primitive tribes of street warriors killing each other for the last drops of oil that can be sucked out of the Earth? We’d like to know.

I wonder what else happens in the future that John McCain already knows about? I smell a photoshop contest! Leave your best photoshopped futuristic renderings in the comments or send them to tips@bwe.tv, and we’ll give a prize to our favorite.

Also, for you commenters who feel outraged about the fact that we don’t make fun of Barack Obama for doing sh*t like this: it’s because Barack Obama doesn’t do sh*t like this.

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While You Were Working On That Sweet Goatee

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  • Lindsay Lohan is trying to take out a restraining order on her father, who she fears might try to beat her to death with publicity.
  • Britney Spears‘ new single “Womanizer” leaked to the internet today. It sounds sort of like what happens when a clinically depressed person takes ecstasy.
  • Somebody leaked the audio tape of a phone call between Harvey Weinstein and Quentin Tarantino about what a pain in the ass Robert DeNiro was on the set of Jackie Brown.
  • Now that things between Hugh Hefner and those three whores he dates are “in transition”, whatever that means, it sounds like The Hef has already been poking around in his poon pantry for an adequately blonde replacement.
  • 50 Cent should grow a mustache, because he would look hilarious.

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ICYMI: Sarah Palin’s “Bad Disney Movie” Finally Gets A Trailer

When Matt Damon said the nomination of Sarah Palin for the vice presidency was like a “Bad Disney Movie”, I thought to myself, “how is that anything like The Lion King?” So luckily my friends over at CollegeHumor took a more imaginative look at the point Matt was trying to make, and actually created a trailer for the Disneyfied Sarah Palin story. It’s called Head of Skate, and it’s pretty genius.

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David Blaine Apparently Did Some Sort Of Anti- Climactic Stunt Hanging Ordeal Thing, We’re Told

From the mailbag, a reader writes in: “You guys aren’t going to touch that David Blaine debacle from last night?”, and he goes on “I’m starting to think you guys are slipping”. Well in the interest of comprehensive coverage, and since we take requests, here you go: David Blaine apparently dangled upside down for awhile on TV last night, then did some kind of Dive of Death kind of thing, but not really. I don’t know, I didn’t watch it. Also, the world financial markets are on the brink of collapse, one of the men running for president is “suspending his campaign”, and we’re pretty sure the world might be ending.

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