Posts By AlexBlagg

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While You Were Mainlining Espresso

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  • Singer George Michael was arrested for possession of controlled substances.  Police also found a large stash of porn, sex toys and sex masks in the trunk of the vehicle.  Michael was reportedly furious that the officers wouldn’t allow him to take these "jail supplies" into his cell.
  • Kate Moss is now more wealthy than she was before her recent cocaine scandal.  See kids, if you work hard, follow your dreams, and hoover up as much blow as possible, you too can enjoy fame and fortune.
  • Homophobic Clay Aiken fans reportedly want their money back now that they’ve discovered the singer might be gay.  Aiken reps responded with the statement, "What part of flamboyant, girlish, Broadway-obsessed pop singer do you people not understand?"
  • Drew Lachey managed to win "Dancing With the Stars" despite not being a star.
  • Ryan Seacrest managed to make out with a stripper, despite seeming like he actually might be probably sort of gay.
  • Mischa Barton: "I’m not sexy."  Alex Blagg: "Yes, yes you are."

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…OF THE DAY

HEADLINE: "Jessica Alba officially sexy" – Who knew? (Female First) Alba_1

DISTURBING CATCHPHRASE: "Fixin’ to do an R. Kelly" (All Headline News)

DISTURBING R. KELLY ACOLYTE: This complete weirdo who "hides in bathrooms, and drinks people’s urine." (NBC4 – if you’re brave enough)

EMERGED CAVE DWELLER: Illinois Governor – and apparently his staff – who didn’t realize The Daily Show was a comedy spoof.  (AP)

ROCK STARS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS: "Crack makes me happy," said addled rocker Pete Doherty.  Yes, Pete – it makes you happy because IT’S CRACK! (Mirror)

EMBRACING YOUR OWN STEREOTYPE: Some pothead forgot to address a package he mailed containing half a pound of weed.  Might wanna lay of the doobage there, bro.  (AP)

RANDOM BLOG: The Sound of Young America (TSOYA)

SHIRTLESS MYSPACE BRO: "Live like you mean it…"  Or like a douche.  Either way, Eddie.  (MySpace)

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Movie Poster Mash-Ups!

The always-amusing Worth 1000 site has launched a new contest called "Mate-A-Movie", inviting their best choppers to combine the posters of two iconic films.  Hilarity ensues:

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LOCAL COMMERCIAL APPRECIATION CLUB: Who You Gonna Call?

Well, if you’re looking for Buffalo Wings, I would highly suggest calling Buffalo Road.  I would also highly suggest watching this commercial. (via)

NOTE: We’re always looking for great local commercials.  If you see something hilarious, be sure to YouTube it and send it along to us!

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While You Were Taking Another Gander at Your Pre-Nup

  • Britney_priceless_nanny2First-Class Airfare to Hawaii: $1000, Luxury Resort Accomodations (per night): $800, Not Being Photographed While You’re Overweight and Standing Next to Your Idiot Wannabe Rapper Husband: "Priceless".
  • RELATED: If you were married to a gem like K-Fed, why would you not wear your wedding ring???
  • Good news!  It is still absolutely legal to pull up to an 11 year-old girl, ask if she has a boyfriend, and tell her you’re "fixing to do an R. Kelly".
  • Morrissey was questioned by the FBI after he spoke out against George W. Bush and Tony Blair, calling them "terrorists".  Authorities were apparently concerned that the Mozzer’s new album might be a Weapon of Mass Emotional Destruction. 
  • Howard Stern is planning to start his own film festival with TV’s In Demand Networks.  Sources say that the festival will reflect Stern’s own sensibilities, meaning that it will be pretty much like watching porn on the Internet. 
  • BREAKING NEWS!  HOT OFF THE PRESS!  According to Reuters, "Gay Cowboy" movie Brokeback Mountain appears to making some sort of significant impact on pop culture in America.  NO WAY!!!
  • Brad Pitt has finally ended his 2006 European Tour of Romance, Love and Family Togetherness.  He was spotted today alone – yes, ALONE! – here in New York City.  Could the Brangelina Fairy Tale really be over?

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Confessions of an iPod Shuffle

Ipods
Have you ever seen those bulletins on MySpace where people are encouraged to shuffle their iPods and post the first 5-10 songs that come up for all to see? 

Well, the Onion AV Club had a brilliant idea and decided to play this game with a few (minor) celebrities including Death Cab For Cutie’s Ben Gibbard, comedians David Cross and Eugene Mirman, Modest Mouse’s Issac Brock and more.  Check the songs that these folks are listening to — and why.

When you’re done, shuffle your own iPods and post the first 5 songs that come up in our comments section.  Be honest!  No one here will judge you for your love of Billy Joel (seriously, he’s good). 

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…OF THE DAY

HEADLINE: "Spider-Man Robs Comic Book Store" – Be sure to watch the hilarious video! (CBS)Spiderman

HEADLINE RUNNER-UP: "Man’s shirt erupts in flames after he is shot by a taser" (Sun Sentinel)

SALES PLOY: Hiring pop singers to perform concerts to sell condos (NY Times)

PRETENTIOUS PITCHFORK ORGASM: They gave Liars’ new album a 9.0 and made up a new adjective in the process: "Berliniamsburg".  (Pitchfork)

SHIRTLESS MYSPACE BRO: "UR NOT HERE BY ACCIDENT" – Indeed.  (MySpace)

POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK: Trump calls Martha a "moron".  (Daily News)

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CAPTION THIS: Nicky Hilton and Richie Rich

See how long you can look at this photo of socialite Nicky Hilton and androgynous clothing designer/party monster Richie Rich before your eyes simply refuse to stop working:

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"What seeing a Captain & Tennille show on LSD would look like."

ALSO: What happened to the Richie Rich we all knew and loved?

Richierich

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While You Were Thinking About Life’s Important Questions

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  • Did KFed actually hit on Jessica Simpson?  Has his marriage to Britney Spears completely destroyed his sense of "his league"?
  • Also, is KFed cheating on Britney with some French chick?  Also, HOW THE F@!K IS KFED GETTING SO MANY WOMEN!?!?
  • Does Mischa Barton have the hots for Jake Gyllenhaal?  Does she mind that he’s gay?
  • Is Will Smith thinking of moving on to Bollywood?  Should we expect him to begin unexpectedly breaking into song and wearing bright colored clothing?
  • Is Steven Spielberg making another Jurassic Park movie?  Why?  (Dinosaurs are scary – we get it already!)
  • Are J. Lo and Marc Anthony going to adopt a child?  Should the world allow children to be treated that way?

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Meet the Human Giant

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Best Week Ever friends Rob Huebel, Paul Scheer and Aziz Ansari have combined forces and created an unholy comedy trinity called The Human Giant.  Some are saying this might be the best giant since the Jolly Green one.

Check out their new site to see some of the funniest  videos available on the World Wide Web (Information Superhighway).