Posts By AlexBlagg

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Access Hollywood 1984

Persons

Today’s POST SHOW, "Persons", features a hard, cold look into an Orwellian celebrity future that might be closer than we think. 

Be sure to look out for the special cameo from Best Week Ever’s own Pete Holmes

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…OF THE DAY

Hp_homepub

HEADLINE
: "Mutant Chickens Grow Full Set of Teeth" (Fox News)

FUTURE PURCHASE: The HomePub draft beer system.  (via Double Viking)

CUSTOMER SERVICE IMPROVEMENT: Automated Taco Bell ordering.  Wonder if they programmed the machines to mispronounce the menu items.  (Flickr)

TURKISH DELIGHT: The offical Brokeback Mountain poster literally translated to "Faggot Cowboys" in Turkey.  (Screenhead)

STUPID HIPPIE SAN FRANCISCO IDEA: Conducting an experiment to turn dog waste into power.  (Reuters)

DATED CATCHPHRASE I WANT TO BRING BACK: Schwing!

RANDOM BLOG POST: Some dude’s hilarious list of Johnny Weir’s "Weirisms". (How was your day, Dan?)

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While You Were Contemplating the Meaning of “Hump Day”

  • Brokeback Mountain will be released in Jamaica, despite homosexuality being illegal in the island nation.  So, to recap: getting high all day and listening to Marley – legal, mon.  Not being able to quit your rodeo buddy – illegal, mon.Harrisonaction
  • When asked why he chose to make Firewall, Harrison Ford responded by saying, "I like to play a real person who has a real life and family."  And whose real life family is in constant threat from terrorists who he must save them from, over and over again. 
  • Time Inc. has launched Office Pirates, it’s "edgy" new "humor" website with "hilarious" content like what life would be like if your female co-workers all just wore bras, how annoying bosses are and why working in a cubicle sucks.  Now that I think about it, offices ARE really funny.  Someone should make a movie about that and call it Office Space, or maybe a TV show about one really funny office. 
  • The mating habits of the albino hippopotamus Pregnant Gwyneth Paltrow sunbathing at a pool.
  • Kid Rock/Scott Stapp sue to stop distribution of their sex tape, break the virginal hearts of Christian Rock fans across the country.

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An Open Letter to Donald Trump, Regarding His Open Letter to Martha Stewart

Dear Donald J. Trump,
Marthadonald_1

While perusing the World Wide Web (Information Superhighway) today, I ran across an open letter you wrote to Martha Stewart, lambasting her low-rated, totally inferior version of your hit show, The Apprentice.  Frankly, I couldn’t agree with you more.

Martha’s version of the show was a complete trainwreck, whereas your last season of The Apprentice was NBC’s highest-rated show (behind E.R., My Name Is Earl, Las Vegas, Crossing Jordan, Medium and all three incarnations of Law & Order).  Where does that glorified soccer mom get off blaming her own failure on a proven television genius like yourself, The Donald? 

Read more…

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…OF THE DAY

HEADLINE:  "Florida Man Kills Roommate Over Toilet Paper" – We’ve all wanted to do it.  (AP)
Toiletpaper

RADIOHEAD SONG TITLE: The guys are recording a song for their new album called "Nude", which was actually written during the time they were making "OK Computer", but never released.  (NME)

WINDOWS ERROR: The world’s largest Windows Error Message appeared in Times Square.  Something tells me the building’s lobby didn’t have a "Ctrl-Alt-Delete" button.  (Network World)

AWESOME PRODUCT: Shoes specially designed for border-jumping immigrants.  (BBC)

PILLOW FIGHT: The giant one held last Saturday at Union Square here in NYC. (Brooklyn Vegan)

RANDOM BLOGFitted Sweats

DAY LATE STORY:  A family gave all seven of their kids presidential names.  (AP)

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While You Were Ingoring Your Co-Worker Who Always Quotes “Office Space”

  • There’s apparently a new Paris Hilton sex tape floating around, this time with another woman.  I think it should be called "A Night In Paris 2: Lesbian Boogaloo".Paris_sex_tape
  • Golden Girls star Betty White was honored yesterday by the LA Zoo for her commitment to animals.  Meanwhile, Bea Arthur is still just a total party animal. 
  • The Bosh proposes a very disturbing question: if Kate Moss is pregnant, could Jack Osborne be the father?  For the sake of humanity, we hope not.
  • According to Page Six (seventh item), ABC producers prohibited Dancing With the Stars personality Drew Lachey from appearing on MadTV because they "weren’t thrilled with anyone on the show appearing in a parody of any  sort".  Dancing With the Stars is serious television, people. 
  • Jon Stewart is getting prepared for his big gig hosting this year’s Oscars.  Early reports are suggesting that Stewart’s witty Bush-bashing combined with a night of self-congratulatory award-whoring might result in severe back injuries among the Liberal Hollywood Elite from patting themselves so hard. 

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5 Reason Why I Wouldn’t Claim My $365 Million Either

Everyone really seems to be freaking out over the fact that some person in Nebraska still hasn’t claimed their $365 million state lottery jackpot – the highest single winner in US history.  Personally, I don’t really see what the big deal is – there are lots of possible explanations for why someone wouldn’t want such a large sum of money.  Here are mine:
Nomoney480

1. I’m too busy to deal with that kind of money — Look, it’s a holiday weekend and I’ve got a lot of things I’d like to do with my time off from work: visiting with family, BBQ-ing with friends, seeing a movie.  Dealing with the headache of claiming 365 million dollars just isn’t one of them.

2. My friend Ted always needs money - If I had access to that kind of scratch, I know my friend Ted would ask me to borrow money, and I’m just really tired of lending money to Ted.  Ted’s thirty – it’s time for him to grow up a little, for Pete’s sake.

Read more…

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…OF THE DAY

HEADLINE: "Guy seeks police help for something moronic" (Reuters)

SURPRISING DADDY ISSUE: Handsome, critically acclaimed and universally popular movie star George Clooney is still seeking his father’s approval? (Yahoo! News)

PERVERTED JUSTICE: Former rocker turned repeated pedophile Gary Glitter is going to be tried on rape charges  in Vietnam.  Here’s to hoping that Vietnamese prisons are as sleazy as he is. (BBC)

SALT IN THE WOUND: A teenage girl’s prosthetic leg has been stolen — for the second time.  (Yahoo! News)

SPIELBERG MOVIE INSPIRATION: A man who publicly denied the existence of the holocaust was sentenced to three years in prison in Austria. (MyWay)

TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE: Apparently all excited about President’s Day, Bush says we’re on the verge of an "energy breakthrough" that would help wean the country off foriegn oil.  (MyWay)

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BEST NIGHT EVER

Here’s Toni J with her roundup of the best TV from last weekend: