Posts By AlexBlagg

by

EXCLUSIVE SIZZLER: TomKat Is Over!?!?

Tomkat2

Tomkat1_1

(Click on pics for EXCLUSIVE blown-up screen grabs of the full story.)

Holy Couch-Jumping Heterosexual Thetans, Batman!!!

Life & Style Weekly is running a cover story on the demise of the (literally) star-crossed relationship between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes!  The ramifications of this news are unthinkable – our very existence might be hanging by only a few fragile threads of sensational tabloid fodder!

Multiple insiders confirmed the story to Life & Style, with one longtime friend of Tom’s saying: “Their relationship is basically over.” Another friend adds: “They both agreed that the marriage wouldn’t work and they wanted to end it before they learned to hate each other.”

The insiders say that Tom, 43, and Katie, 27, plan to keep up the charade of a romance until after their baby’s birth this spring.

Could it really be true?  And if so, why in the name of Xenu do we have to find out about this on VALENTINE’S DAY???

UPDATE: We’ve got footage of Oprah telling Tom she’s mad that he lied.

by

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Daily Show on “Duck Hunt” Cheney

When I first heard that Vice President Cheney accidentally shot one of his Republican cronies in the face while hunting, my thoughts and prayers immediately went out to…Jon Stewart and the Daily Show, asking that they might handle such an extraordinary event with the wit and brilliance of which they are capable.  Those prayers were answered.

by

Total Winter Olympics Coverage

Olimpics_spec_front_1
Now that the time is once again upon us when we have to pretend to enjoy "sports" such as curling, bobsledding and cross-country skiing, you might find CRACKED’s Guide to the Winter Olympics helpful and informative when trying to maintain coherent conversations with your co-workers about last night’s biathalon matchups.

Go USA!

by

BEST NIGHT EVER

After finally digging ourselves out of the snow, we bring you today’s belated – but still totally best – BEST NIGHT EVER!

by

While You Were Sleeping With Your Eyes Open

Cflockhartold

  • After years and years of late night monologue jokes, Calista Flockhart finally eats a sandwich (or forty).
  • The trailer for Will Ferrell’s new NASCAR-themed movie Talladega Nights has hit the Internets.  As excited as you think you are, your enthusiasm is no match for the financial horniness of Sony Pictures, who can hardly contain their desire to roll around in all the money this movie is going to make them.
  • Could Bandidas be the way newer, way spicier, WAY BETTER Brokeback Mountain?
  • Could someone tell the Germans to stop being so German?
  • ‘Jaws’ author Peter Benchley has passed away, and Hollywood is already preparing to defile his legacy with a completely unnecessary re-make.
  • Jessica Simpson cheesy bites game soundboard Pizza Hut thing.  I have no idea.

by

CINEMA’S GOLDEN ERA: Weekend Box Office Results

PantherHere are the top 5 films people paid their hard-earned money to see this week:

1.  Unnecessary re-make of a classic film starring an actor whose increasingly desperate need for artistic legitimacy results in a misguided attempt to fill the impossibly large shoes of one of cinema’s greatest comedic geniusus — $21.7 million

2.  Completely unnecessary SECOND sequel to a ridiculous teen horror film that should have gone straight to video the first time around, but has somehow managed to become a trilogy – $20.1 million

3.  Adaptation of a popular and recognizable series of children’s books that replaces the creativity of the originals with a couple random movie stars and the desperate hopes that the name brand will be strong enough to sucker people into theaters (and judging by the 3rd place debut, it wasn’t) – $15.3 million

4.  Harrison Ford tries to save his familyYet again.  And nobody seems to care. – $13.8 million

5.  A teenage babysitter gets harassed by a deranged killer (from inside the house!) for oh, I don’t know…about the bajillionth time since the 1980′s – $10 million

Once again, Hollywood – you keep making great films, we’ll keep rewarding you by coming to see them!

by

LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

Drivebytruckers1_1

  • Just in time for Valentine’s Day, Muzzle of Bees has an excellent free download of the Drive-By Truckers’ rockin’ new song "Feb 14th".
  • Get your OG swerve on over at Cocaine Blunts, who has a couple good vintage Hip-Hop tracks from Divine Styler.
  • And keep your ass a-shakin’ with a slamming P.O.S. track from Said the Gramophone.
  • Now get yourself a slice of smooth, hot-buttered soul with a couple classic tracks from Darondo available at Soul Sides. ("Didn’t I" is a must-download)
  • The Scenestars try to cure your cancelled Cat Power tour blues with a couple emotially-sensitive tracks from another folky singer/songwriter lass, Sonya Cotton.
  • Aziz Ansari, our favorite funnyman/BWE panelist/amateur DJ, has posted a couple tracks from indie buzz-band Celebration
  • Fluxblog has a pretty rockin’ track from The Eagles of Death Metal (who can be seen opening up for The Strokes on their upcoming US Tour).

by

Speaking of MySpace…

Check out this awesome t-shirt design combining two things that have about as much business being married as Tom and Katie:Carebear_1

Emo Care Bears!

When he does the "Care Bear Stare". I wonder if his chest shoots out My Chemical Romance songs and old Hot Topic reciepts?

(via Our Favorite Uncle G.)